


It couldn't be more complicated

by Huggy6ear_Angel



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Aro and Carlisle are soulmates, Backstory, Complete, Eventual Smut, Everyone else too - Freeform, Explicit Sexual Content, Flashbacks, Happy Ending, Humor, I swear there's plot, M/M, Magic, No they do not sparkle, Past Relationship(s), Vampires, Volturi, Wolf Pack, absolutely DO imagine the actor's faces, actually you know what?, also, but i would literally go insane if i didn't write this, but they don't really have major roles, different lore, i cant be the only one, i know this is ridiculus, in this au vampires need to sleep, light use of, please dont imagine the actors' faces, they look fantastic, think of them as characters, who saw there was SOMETHING between them, yes i know it's a dead fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-03-02 11:40:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13317324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huggy6ear_Angel/pseuds/Huggy6ear_Angel
Summary: Carlisle made a bad decision on a drunk mind and facing the consequences means getting back with his true soulmate.





	1. The bar incident

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I am aware that probably zero people will read this, but I have to post it. It it's full of angst and it's kinda funny, I hope

Carlisle burst into his house one evening, slammed the door and was ready to start punching the walls. Esme rushed to him and softly touched his shoulders to turn him to face her. "Honey, what happened?" Carlisle couldn't look her in the eye, he kept his eyes to the floor as he answered "I lost her..."

A seven year old girl was brought in 3 days ago. A horrible car accident that cost the girl's mother on the spot. The girl had miraculously survived the impact. The doctors did everything to stabilize her, but she needed surgery. Carlisle was put to it. Everyone knew it was damn impossible to save her, and if anyone could do it, it would be him. After 5 hours of desperate trying, the doctor was devastated to hear the monotonous shrieking of the heart monitor after the girl's last heart beat.

"Sweetheart, you did everything you could."  
"Yes I KNOW!", he pulled himself from her embrace but still didn't look at her. "And it wasn't enough". 

Esme reached for his hand and tried to comfort him by squeezing. He let her. The rest of the family had gathered in the living room when they heard his outburst, but nobody said a word. Carlisle shook his head and looked upwards as if fighting something with himself and losing. "I need a drink", he stated defeated and turned for the door. No one tried to tell him no. When he was out of the door, Emmett turned to the rest and nodded -a silent promise that he would look after him- and walked out as well to catch up.

This hadn't happened in years. Carlisle was always careful not to drink. He avoided even beer and not for religious reasons, for basic self care reasons. Whenever he felt the need to drink he said it out loud for people to hear, a tip he picked up at an AA meeting, and if they were a) family, they stopped him or b) strangers, they reasoned with him since it was almost always way too early in the day for alcohol. The extremely rare times when he refused to listen and made his way to a bar, he was never alone. He had someone with him, to make sure he didn't die and to drive him back safely.

But this time, no one stopped him, no one would be able to stop him, so he let Emmet drive them two states away because he was planning on forgetting his name and he didn't want to take the chance of getting recognized.

Once in the bar, he took a seat where the barman would be able to reach him easily and barked at Emmet to get away. Emmet complied and settled to watching him from afar. Carlisle drank and drank, gave no story or context to the bartender and kept drinking as the night grew louder and louder. People had crowded and he was drunk enough not to care and then a DJ took over and everyone started dancing. He had reached that level of drunkenness where logical coherence flew out of the window, so when a pretty girl asked him to dance he agreed and stood up.

The girl led him to her group of friends, which consisted of 2 tipsy girls, 3 extremely drunk boys and another completely sober girl -the DD- all around his age, well the age he appears to be, and it took very little convincing for him to start dancing with them.

A lot of laughing, air humping, singing along, profusely sweating, an embarrassing amount of collective, ironic dabbing and a swing from a guy's beer later, Carlisle decided he need a break, mostly to vomit.

He pushed his way to the restroom and rushed to a cubicle to relieve his stomach. God, he had drunk too much gin... It always hit him too hard but it was his second favourite, after tequila, but that, he wouldn't drink. He stumbled back out and went to wash his hands and rinse his mouth. His mind was a hazy mess, so when a young man appeared out of his cubicle and walked to the sink next to him, Carlisle's mind made an incredible leap and decided he wanted him. 

He lifted his eyes to his own reflection and then to the man's. He let the water rinse his hands of soap and waited for the guy to look in the mirror and notice him staring. When he did, Carlisle's messed up mind made him see a different face for a second that had his blue eyes turning black with lust. He flicked his tongue to his bottom lip the tiniest bit and finally released the man from his hold. He went to grab a few paper towels and was immediately followed by the 25-something year old, black haired guy who reached around him to get towels for himself, effectively trapping the vampire between his body and the wall.

They were standing face to face, inches from each other, drying their hands thoroughly and Carlisle couldn't maintain eye contact. His eyes dropped time and time again to the stranger's lips. They threw the papers in the bin at the same time, and the second the stranger had his hands free, he pushed Carlisle to the wall with his whole body. Carlisle's breath left him in a huff when his back hit the wall and he reached his hands to touch. The black haired man attacked Carlisle with his mouth and pressed his hands at Carlisle's sides.

Their kiss was rough, all teeth and lip-biting, erratic with constant pauses for breath. Hands tangling in hair and Carlisle's head was tugged back to give the stranger access to his throat. "Bite me", half formed as a thought in Carlisle's mind because it got interrupted when the man sucked hard on the side of his neck and at the same time thrust his hips forward.

A moan found its way out of Carlisle's mouth before he had stifled it by biting his bottom lip. He desperately shoved his hands down, at the guy's butt and pressed him towards himself wanting more. The effect of alcohol had started dragging its way out of his body and he was getting more aware by the second. He had a guy kissing his throat and teasingly pushing his arousal on him and he had provoked it. He wanted this, just not with that guy.   
"No, no, no wait." he said when he found his voice. "I can't. I'm sorry I can't" he was panting slightly and was extremely turned on when the guy let up and pulled up to give them both some space. He looked surprised. Carlisle felt the need to explain himself but found no words "I can't do this...It's wrong I'm sorry" he said once more.

Of course, he knew what he wanted and wouldn't settle for a substitute. He made a move to stop leaning on the wall but a hand on his chest pushed him back, and before he found the time to feel surprised (or threatened) a pair of lips were on his again. This time gentler, but still all teeth.

And then it was over. The 25 year old pulled back and turned to leave, a bit angry. Carlisle didn't have time for him. He pushed against the wall to stand better on his feet and left the restrooms. 

He was again, pushing his way through the crowd meaning to reach the exit door. He fell on Emmet on the way who was sitting with a group of girls and seemed to be having the time of his life. "I'll be back" he shouted at him to be heard over the music and his answer came in the form of a smile and a nod. He got to the doors and was finally free.

The cold night air exactly what he needed to gather his thoughts and make a decision he would one hundred per cent regret in a few hours. He looked at the few visible stars in the not quite black city night sky, and walked to the side of the bar, choosing a dark corner in the alleyway.

He pulled his phone out and opened his contact list. He didn't have to scroll down much, the name he was looking for was alphabetically very high. He stared at it for a long time, but his mind wasn't remotely clear yet and his still hard cock took over, so he called.

Usually when he called Aro, his heart was on his throat but this time he wasn't nervous, he found himself praying for Aro to pick up, 'cause he was dying to hear his voice. The line ringed and ringed and at last, much to Carlisle's disappointment, it went to voicemail. The tiny sentence that said "leave a message" was recorded in Aro's voice and upon hearing it Carlisle moaned and lost control of his tongue. 

"Ahh, pick up you son of a bitch. I need you so bad..." he sighed trying to control his mind and failing completely. "I missed you...", he looked at the sky again and fought the urge to press his groin with his hand. "Wanna know what I'm doing?" It was getting more and more difficult to resist as his mind imagined Aro's face upon hearing him like this and he heard his voice in a pretend dialogue. 

"I'm at a bar, I have drunk 4 times my weight and I'm thinking about you". His mind jumped to a few minutes earlier when he was willingly pushed up against a wall with a guy that in his hazed mind resembled Aro, and he moaned again, this time giving in to temptation and pressing his palm to his pants to relieve some need. "I made out with a guy who looked like you" he said and his hips bucked up on their own accord. "And he was kissing my neck and I wished he would bite me... 'Cause you always do that..." 

He removed his hand from his groin and hummed with the effort it took. "But I stopped it, 'cause he wasn't you." He paused because he saw someone approaching and wanted to make sure he wasn't Emmet "And I. Want. You..." he sighed and saw a man lean on the wall a few meters away from him and light a cigarette. He thought he wouldn't be heard but lowered his voice anyway. "I'm outside now, fighting not to jack off just thinking about you. I need you... I missed you... And I want your lips and your hands and your cock and your ass and you..." His cock twitched in his pants just remembering how Aro feels like "Fuck... Where are you?"

He stayed silent for a couple of seconds, exhaled carefully and ended the call. He stayed where he was for a moment still, waiting for his hard-on to go away, focusing on mundane, irrelevant things and texted Emmet to get his ass out there. He then walked slowly to the smoking figure and asked for a cigarette. He had quit smoking years ago, but that night wouldn't pass without at least a drag. 

He took a long one and let it burn his lungs for a while. When he exhaled, he remembered clearly why he had allowed himself the addiction. He stood close to the stranger but not too close, since they both needed the silence but at the same time the company.

When Emmett finally came to find him, Carlisle had finished more than half the cigarette and it had sobered him up completely. He blew his last smokey breath and threw the remaining cig on the ground. He stepped on it as he walked to put it out and nodded at the kind man who had offered it. 

"It was about time" he said to Emmett as he walked past him and headed for the car.

During the drive back home, Carlisle came to realise the gravity of what he had just done. He wouldn't be able to keep this a secret, even if his life depended on it, which might actually be true. He was lost as to what to do now. Call again and apologise? Wait for Aro to listen and call first? He would tell Esme, but what about the others? What if Aro missed him too? Did that mean he wanted to try again? Did he really want to try again?

Yes.

That was the only thing he knew for certain, he wanted to be with Aro. But there were so many complications, first and foremost, "would Aro want to?" He really didn't know. He had opened the door to a storm and there was no going back now. Situations like this, were the reason he had quit drinking.

 

\---  
It was odd, not to be at the hospital in a weekday morning. But he had boss' orders to stay at home and get some rest. I mean, it was convenient in one hand, since he was recovering from the hangover unbothered, but on the other hand, he had way too much time to think and dwell on his misery.

Aro hadn't made contact yet.

When he and Emmett had walked in the night before, actually that morning, nobody confronted him, possibly thinking he was in another reality. And that was the initial plan, but it had failed and he had sobered up quickly. Nonetheless, he took the opportunity to avoid talking to anyone and dragged himself in his room first, to check if Esme was there.

She was and she probably noticed his aware look but said nothing. He couldn't face her yet so he took his escape in his study and laid himself on the couch there. He kept checking his phone, and as time passed and he had no messages or calls he grew nervous and unsettled. Had Aro listened to the voicemail? Why was there no response? Did he... like it?

He was dying to talk to someone about it and was actually ready to call for Esme but bit his tongue. Everyone else had to leave first. He raised his hand to his face and studied his wedding ring. He took it off and read the engraved phrase.

When he and Esme had first met, he had felt like his whole life was just preparing him for that moment. He had fallen head first in love with her and was lucky enough to have her love him back. He wanted to give her the whole world and he was doing exactly that, bit by bit. When Edward had left them, it had hurt him greatly but he had Esme, and she was there for him. She knew that they weren't soulmates, of course, she could feel it too, but they were truly in love with each other.

They still loved each other, Carlisle would give his life for her, and she would still fight by his side. But time passes and truth is, they were not in love anymore. They still took care of each other, and always would 'cause they are family, but eros, has gradually left them. In a course of a few years, they had stopped being physically attracted to each other and after some time even kissing felt weird. And a year ago they decided to call an end to it. They would keep their rings on and act the same in public for appearance's sake, but they had grown tired of this small town anyway and when summer came, they would leave and they could stop pretending.

The two of them had agreed to everything since the feeling was mutual, but telling the rest of the family was... a process. Obviously, Jasper was the easiest to approach first, there was no fooling him. And then, maybe Edward? Then Emmett since he wouldn't make a huge deal of it. Last Rose and Alice.

The hardest part was to admit they weren't soulmates. They had fabricated a magnificent lie, which if you think about it, wasn't technically a lie, but a denial to accept the truth. They had never claimed to be soulmates but they never denied it, either. In hindsight, it was a terrible idea, and it was entirely Carlisle's fault, who was scared and ashamed to admit he had a soulmate but had fallen in love with someone else, nonetheless.

Nobody except for Esme actually knew he had a soulmate. Okay that was a lie.

Garett knew as well.

But that was about it. Goddamn it, he just couldn't admit Aro was his soulmate. The man was the "villain" of every story, and even their story hadn't ended well. Carlisle had left Italy in one night's decision and Aro didn't come to find him. Sure, that might have been Carlisle's fault, again, since he made Aro swear in Carlisle's own life that he wouldn't try to find him in the States. Dear Lord, how could one man mess up his life so bad?

\--

Finally alone, with Esme, she was sitting next to him on the couch looking at him expectantly to start talking. "Right... So I might have done something ridiculously dumb." He gave her a moment to process this. He couldn’t find the correct way to address the situation so he summarized it in one sentence. "Last night I made out with a dude and then called Aro and practically told him I want to have sex with him."

After that first sentence, a weight was lifted from his shoulders and the details came flowing. He explained the whole situation.

Esme listened carefully, laughed at his face for his dumb actions and then they seriously discussed the matter. Conclusion: wait and see.

And really, there was nothing else they could do...


	2. Drunken confrontation

In the course of the following week, Carlisle grew more and more nervous. He developed paranoid attachment with his phone, never letting it off his hand, he jumped at every notification always nervous that it would be Aro. He shut himself off, to hide from his coven, he didn’t tell them what had happened. He _wouldn’t _tell them what had happened. He made sure to shield his thoughts from Edward to the point it was getting ridiculous for the younger vampire.__

__The second week, it got worse. Carlisle was a complex man, there was always a tiny part of him that was never settled, that always wanted to leave. Leave places, leave people, leave everything. He hadn’t felt _the _desperate need to quit his life since Edward had abandoned them, but he had felt _a _need to quit from time to time. Usually, he didn’t have a reason to feel like this, but when he found himself trapped, that was his first and strongest instinct. Esme had helped him greatly in that domain, being there so he found his reason to stay. He hadn’t felt like leaving in years actually, but right now, he felt the itch. It was manageable, but it had appeared._ _ ____

 

__By the third week, his family started worrying. He hadn’t gone hunting once, since that night in the bar. He was already somewhat hungry even before that, and by now he should be starving. _He wasn’t feeling well, actually. _He couldn’t pinpoint it but something felt off in his stomach. It was strong enough to take his mind off Aro for a while._ _ __

 

__By the end of the month, he was dragged out of the house to go hunting and things had gone… let’s say bad. He couldn’t eat. Not because out of a whim. He literally could not drink blood. He tried again and again, and all he managed was to throw up, and rid his body off his only source of nourishment. All the vampires had fallen silent in confusion and fear. They could not figure out what it was or how to stop it. And Carlisle, just decided to screw it. He picked up the bottle and drank himself to oblivion._ _

__And then, one morning, Alice ran to him with a sudden vision. “Aro is coming”, she said in fear. Who could blame her really? The Volturi leader never left his base unless it was something incredibly important, and that was never something good. She was worried and she couldn’t see the purpose of his coming, but Carlisle had gone numb at hearing it. He could only ask the where and when, Jasper picking up his feeling must be having a blast. Fear and enthusiasm, in equal amounts. A hint of betrayal and another feeling that could only be described with the exclamation “Finally!”. He was standing up, when Alice told him Aro should be arriving in Minnesota in a few hours. He started running._ _

__For once in his life, he was running towards something, towards someone, instead of away. It was liberating._ _

__His family were shot with a serious dose of shock when they saw Carlisle in his white shirt and dress pants run like a mad man out of the house. It only took Edward a second to pick up Alice’s thoughts and yell “Follow him!” before running after him himself. Everyone dropped whatever they were doing, and followed in blind faith._ _

__It is a known fact, that out of all of them Edward is the fastest one, and still, Carlisle, starving and drunk, was running with so much energy that Edward could barely keep up._ _

__They tried talking to him, and he just ignored them in fear they would talk him out of what he had in mind. He knew he was being insane, he knew he was going to do something stupid and put everyone in danger but dammit he was going to do it._ _

__Upon realising, they wouldn’t be able to convince him to talk to them, the rest of the vampires settled on merely following, mentally preparing for whatever situation was about to fall in their hands. Edward tried to invade his mind, but once again like all the other times during the past week, he found it in an incredible mess caused by the constant alcohol. He stopped trying to put Carlisle’s thoughts in order, there simply wasn’t one._ _

__“He is here”, Alice exclaimed when she recognised the environment she saw in her vision. _Of course he is here, _Carlisle thought. He could smell him from 5 miles ago. He reached a clearing and suddenly stopped. He could see Aro. And Aro could definitely see him. His family reached him one after the other and Aro detoured to meet him._ _ __

 

__Carlisle stared at the surprised face he was met with and he felt enraged all of a sudden. “Carlisle! What a-”, “Fuck you!”, he interrupted Aro before he could start with his ridiculous dramatic intros and he stepped forward. “Who do you think you are?”. Carlisle was taking slow accusatory steps towards Aro. Aro’s eyebrows raised the tiniest bit in disbelief when his ears caught the enhanced English accent._ _

 

__There were only two options, either Carlisle had spent enough time with other English men, or he was intoxicated._ _

 

__“Answer me!” Carlisle yelled and Aro now knew which one it was. He stayed silent and stopped his guards’ instinctive response to protect him. Carlisle continued his rant “You think you’re some kind of master of the universe, strolling in casually without a care in the world. You know I do have a phone. You could have called, just saying…” Aro started understanding what was happening “I wasn’t coming to you”, he said leaving the pronoun ‘you’ out to interpretation._ _

 

__Carlisle was taken aback slightly, “You should be!” he half yelled in irritation and shut his mouth quickly, clearly regretting the words that came out. But he wanted to talk, he needed to say some things… He just couldn’t put them in the right order. He huffed annoyed at himself “Here, can you just-” he mumbled extending his hand for Aro to take and find the order in his thoughts that he himself couldn’t. But Aro jumped back, avoiding Carlisle’s touch, “I’d rather not” he stated and Carlisle was left speechless and hurt.  
Carlisle probably didn’t remember right now, but he always hated when Aro read his thoughts. So Aro had promised not to do it unless asked to. _But this one time didn’t count _, he argued in his head._ _ __

 

__Yes, vampires are generally extremely white, but the rest of the Cullens right now looked absolutely transparent. Alice was having a panic attack seeing all the possible futures and Jasper came to a shocking realisation._ _

 

_He trusted Alice with all his heart so when she had proposed they go find a man named Carlisle Cullen, he had agreed. They had tracked him down, and knocked on his door, Alice full of excitement, Jasper not so much. But the blond man who greeted them at the door invited them in his house, listened to Alice’s ramblings about family and destiny and accepted them. Jasper was careful, taught from experience not to trust anyone and Carlisle’s behaviour did nothing to ease his doubts. He looked at Jasper with respect, he valued his opinion as an equal but Jasper, who had his sixth sense on red alert on that first day had picked up something. When Alice explained her talent Carlisle had felt awe. When Jasper explained his, he felt terror for the briefest moment before neutralising his feelings completely. That had troubled Jasper a lot and he had kept watch on Carlisle. However, when everyone else kept a distance from the couple at first, Carlisle easily included them in his heart as family. And Jasper grew more careful of the leader. _  
__

_His words and actions said one thing, strong opinions and easily dominating words, but his heart screamed that he was lost. Slowly, as Jasper started opening up, sharing stories and experiences, Carlisle started asking his insight and followed his advice sometimes blindly. And that scared Jasper. He really didn’t know what to think of the man he was supposed to follow. But truth is, Carlisle was a good man. He tried his best at everything he did, he was the opposite of what Jasper knew leaders to be, he was loyal, and he valued every single one of them the same. And then there were times where he felt an urge to leave, coming from Carlisle. He didn’t have the insight of his memories and thoughts to pinpoint where it came from but it was there. And it usually stayed there for a while when it appeared. But Carlisle never left. He let his heart scream in frustration, detached himself in an invisible way only Jasper could see and suffered in silence. Jasper had grown used to Carlisle’s heart and at some point he had stopped being overly aware of the gap he sensed in there. _  
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But right now, there was something off in him and Jasper found it immediately. The gap in Carlisle’s heart was filled with relief and hope and nonetheless, the strongest feeling coming from him was pain. And then the answer slapped him hard in the face. He turned his attention to the other leader, Aro. Jasper studied him for a while trying to come to terms with what he obviously saw. Aro was hurt, sad and betrayed so deep in his heart that the amusement he felt because of Carlisle right now didn’t even reach that part of him. They’re soulmates, Jasper realised and saying it in his head only made it official. It all made sense, why the blond always missed something, why he could never really relax.

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__And then a memory came to him._ _

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_When they had moved to Chicago all together for the first time Carlisle had asked Edward and Jasper to go check the surrounding area. The young vampires easily agreed, and left the leader unsupervised. Jasper only realised it when they came back, a while later since they had stumbled upon a wanderer who was feeding and fought him into leaving the state. Jasper had returned perfectly fine but Edward, clearly not used to fighting in such a way had come back shattered from exhaustion. Carlisle had been sitting on the steps of their new house, looking at his left hand with a sort of remorse, and he had been sitting there for long, it was obvious. Edward sat right beside him and laid his head on the leader’s shoulder, closing his eyes. Jasper was behind Edward and he watched the scene develop in front of his eyes. Carlisle blinked once and stifled the feeling that screamed at him he was not worthy of such trust. He let the younger vampire draw as much comfort as he needed from him. He would never deny help in any way it was asked. Jasper stared at the blond trying to make him give some sort of response to what he had sensed, but Carlisle stared him dead in the eye and remained silent, refusing to acknowledge it._

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_They all were comfortable around their leader, enough to fall asleep in his presence, Edward even more so as to fall asleep in his embrace, but Jasper could not recall a single time he saw Carlisle sleeping. The blond mystery never let people see his vulnerable side, he rarely let Edward hear all of his thoughts and he was always composed around Jasper. But sleep was different. He wouldn’t be able to stop Edward from entering his mind, even on accident, and his heart would be out for Jasper to read like an open book written in his mother tongue. No, Carlisle isolated himself to sleep, and if that was not possible, he postponed it until it was doable. The man had gone six months awake because of that. ___

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__Edward took a step to approach Carlisle and maybe stop him from doing whatever it was he was doing here. “Carlisle-” but the blond was running on mere adrenaline and he was running out of time. And he was aware of it. “No”, he turned to point a finger to his oldest companion and quickly returned his attention to the vampire in front of him. He had lost his train of thought and his eye caught the lower half of Aro’s face and wandered lower to his neck. He scrunched his face in distaste. ‘Shave your face, you know I hate it when you leave stubble’, he thought but only spoke the first half of the sentence. Aro chuckled and replied unbothered by the comment “Didn’t have time”. “Pff.. Am I not worth shaving for?”, Carlisle challenged, blissfully unaware of the general atmosphere that was choking all the other vampires, around them. But again, Aro was quick to respond and he didn’t stifle a hint of bitterness as it escaped in his response “Am I not worth sobriety?” Carlisle paused his movement and averted his eye, not to let Aro see how much that hurt him. But Jasper saw, and Aro didn’t need to see, he knew and he regretted it._ _

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__Having effectively demolished the kind of light mood between them, Aro remained silent. “What the hell do you want from me?” Carlisle asked with a desperation in his voice, not daring to look at the vampire in front of him. Aro didn’t even think of his answer, habit took over and replied from the millions of times he had asked that question to himself and had given to himself that same answer. “Nothing”._ _

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__Carlisle felt the earth evaporate below his feet, he felt his fall to hell and his eyes shot up to meet Aro’s, not caring anymore that he was exposing how lost he felt. He looked down quickly, tried to swallow and took a few disoriented steps back. Aro felt more than saw his guards fidget in uneasiness and he told them to stand back aggressively “Dietro!”. All of his attention was focused on his soulmate, and for the briefest moments his gaze shifted to find Esme. She was holding Edward’s hand in an attempt to keep him from reaching them. “I don’t-...” Carlisle stammered, not sure of what he wanted to say “I just hoped-” he left the sentence unfinished and it was obvious that adrenaline had worn off, he was rapidly losing energy._ _

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__In his soulmate’s presence, he felt relaxed, no matter how much he was fighting it, and his hunger along with his exhaustion were getting the better of him. Jasper knew it before anyone else, and he touched Esme’s hand to urge her to let go of Edward._ _

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__Carlisle blacked out._ _

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__Edward ran forward to catch him before he hit the ground, but Aro was closer and he was there quicker than Edward. He caught him and lowered himself with him gently to the ground, he rested the blond’s weight on his chest and arms and when Edward was with them and asked to take him, apologising at the same moment, Aro agreed and asked a question of his own. “What’s wrong with him?”. He let the young vampire carry his soulmate back to his family and before Edward could think on what to say Jasper spoke._ _

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__“We don’t know. Two weeks ago, he realised he couldn’t eat. Nothing stayed down. He got sick even with a drop of blood. But it could have started earlier than two weeks. He hasn’t eaten in a month actually… He has to distract himself somehow.” Jasper skillfully avoided mentioning straightforward that Carlisle was drinking himself stupid. When he finished explaining, the rest of the Cullens had ran away. Jasper gave Aro a very knowing look and left as well._ _

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__Aro stayed put for a few moments, considering. He passed a hand to his jaw and neck._ _

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__He returned to his guards._ _

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	3. Aro breaks the spell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter I wrote, and actually the first part of the story when it came to life. Everything else developed from this scene and I have read it sooooo many times I cannot see the words anymore without cringing. So, here you have it

The Cullens carried their unconscious leader to a secluded cabin, since they were too far away from home, and Carlisle was in a severe condition.

The family was sitting right outside, Esme and Edward were in the small bedroom where they had put Carlisle on the bed after undressing him. At some point he had started trembling and they covered him with the blankets, but a few moments later he was sweating so much he drenched the sheets.

Aro approached the guarded cabin. When he was noticed, everyone jumped up and prepared to fight. Aro had risen his hands up in the universal surrender sign "Please, I come alone". 

They let him breach their formation but Rose and Emmet were standing in the front door. "What do you want?", she asked. "I'd like to see him... If I may." Aro's voice was coloured with an emotion so unfamiliar that it made Emmet answer him "He is still out". "Please." Aro said again. 

It was weird, he sounded so... not scared exactly, but definitely vulnerable. Something in it made the couple back away and let him pass. He walked inside and went straight to the bedroom. Both Esme and Edward jumped at his intrusion, scared. He ignored them and looked at the sleeping man on the bed. He thought for a moment and then ran outside, grabbing a water bottle on his way. No one dared question him.

Aro came back a few minutes later, the water bottle full of blood, and walked back in. 'Do not worry, it is not human', he let Edward hear in his thoughts. In the bedroom, Esme was holding her husband's hand when he walked in and placed the bottle on the bedside table. 

He stood for a moment before asking "Esme, do you think you could give me a few minutes?" She was surprised and tried to read his face, but he didn't look at her, he was focused on Carlisle, so she ended up staring at the side of his face. "Sure" she said finally and left the room cautiously. He thanked her and took her seat right next to him. 

He let his mind wander and time passed until finally Carlisle started shifting awake. He opened his eyes and closed them again immediately, blinded by the light. He made to sit up and decided against it, when his head throbbed. He shot his hands up to press his head in futile hope to ease the pain and he expressed his distaste with a loud groan. 

Aro watched him amused and even chuckled when Carlisle decided it was safe to open his eyes again, saw him and jumped to a sitting position fully awake, headache forgotten. "What are you doing here?" he asked suspiciously. "I came to see you", was Aro's simple answer. "Is... everyone alive?" Carlisle felt ridiculous but he had to ask. "Relax. I didn't come here with ulterior motives. I sent my people back to Italy but I couldn't leave you like that.” “I'm fine" Carlisle said and pushed his blanket off to let the air hit his overheated naked torso. 

He turned his eyes to the closed door, decided it was relatively safe and took the necessary breath to start talking, but his eyes fell on the bedside table and the bottle full of blood that stood there. He swallowed thickly but made no move towards it. "It's not human", Aro reassured him and at that moment Edward walked in because he heard Carlisle was awake and wanted to check on him.

"I would appreciate it if you took a sip" Aro continued. "I will throw it up"  
"Yes, I've heard. I want to see." Carlisle hadn't decided if he would comply to Aro's request yet but took the cup off the bottle anyway. "I hope you have a reason for this.", he took a gulp enjoying the taste while it lasted. He thrust the bottle to Aro's hands, because he was closer, and half a second later he ran to the tiny adjacent bathroom.

Even the people outside the cabin heard him empty his stomach in the toilet, and some entered the room for moral support. When Carlisle walked out though, he surprised everyone because he was laughing. 

"Seriously Aro?", he walked, more like limped, back to the bed. Only Aro understood what the comment was referring to "Hey, I never claimed to know how to hunt animals".  
"Sure, but squirrels?"  
"You're welcome." Carlisle made a dismissive gesture with his hand but the smile never left his face. 

"I may know a trick, but you most likely won't want a crowd" Aro said and added a dramatic pause. "It won't cure you, but it will keep the blood down long enough to heal your foot and maybe even your hangover." Carlisle looked shocked for a moment, but of course Aro would notice his hurt ankle.

He looked at his family reassuring them he would be fine and soon enough everyone left except Edward, who was giving Aro a look as if challenging him to tell him to go.

But Aro didn't. He merely took a sip in his own mouth and reached towards Carlisle. He gently touched his lips on Carlisle's and waited to be invited in. When Carlisle caught up and pressed his lips to Aro, a sudden flood of blood invaded his mouth and forced him to swallow. Aro took this opportunity to move away, stealing Carlisle's option to make this an actual kiss. 

Carlisle opened his eyes, even though he hadn't realised they were closed and his lips parted the tiniest bit, in a silent plea for more. Aro repeated the action with fresh blood and now Carlisle accepted him hungrily, daring to capture the other's lips to keep him longer.

Edward stared horrified, both their thoughts too loud and rude for him, and he felt horribly uncomfortable to be caught in their moment. 

When they parted again Aro pulled away and stopped leaning towards Carlisle "I will never understand why you do this to yourself. This tastes like dirt." Aro meant to say this in a light tone, but Carlisle looked at him and begged "one more, please", it was more breath than anything. 

Aro whispered 'alright' and then spared a moment's look to Edward who stood dumbfound. He leaned in again but this time he didn't let it take so long and moved away quickly, taking his previous seat next to the bed. He put the cup back on the bottle and passed a hand to his face. "You have at least 3 minutes". 

Carlisle leaned back to rest his back on the head of the bed and licked his lips to get every last drop. The "thanks" he gave Aro sounded so breathless, nodding was all he could do to keep his mind from traveling down a dangerous road.

Edward knew now, there was no way he didn't. 

There was awkward silence that no one dared to break. Carlisle felt his ankle heal and his headache soften a bit. No one looked at anyone, and then Carlisle got up and walked to the bathroom. 

During this short period of time when Carlisle was gone, Edward was looking pointedly at Aro who refused to meet his eye and instead focused on the wooden wall behind the bed. He wasn't going to explain himself to Edward. If Carlisle wanted to clear things out for him, fine, it wasn't Aro's business. Even though his own heart was screaming at him for not letting the kiss develop.

When Carlisle returned, he mumbled something about fresh air and walked out of the room, Edward followed him. Aro stayed rooted on his seat and allowed himself a moment of mental breakdown. 

Oh how he had missed Carlisle... His lips, his touch, his smile, his everything…

Aro heard him talk to his family and reassuring them that no, Aro didn't hurt or threaten him. It pained him to see how his soulmate’s family thought of him. He heard Carlisle fall onto the couch and braced himself before joining them. 

He leaned on the doorframe and studied everyone for a second before saying "You know what this is, don't you?" Carlisle looked at him a bit angry that Aro could read him so easily. Every vampire in the room fell silent in Aro's presence. "It's a spell.", he answered his own question.

All eyes turned to him in disbelief. "I can find out how strong it is and I can break it." The eyes now turned to Carlisle "How?"  
"I don’t believe you will agree if I tell you". He turned to the vampires and picked Emmet, cause there was no way Emmet was afraid of him. "You come with me" and then he pointed to Rose "You, start a fire" and then the fireplace. He rushed out of the cabin with his "assistant".  
When he returned with his ingredients, the fireplace was burning. He threw a bunch of leaves into it and went to grab a bowl from the kitchen. In a second the leaves were swallowed by the flames and caused a small explosion, which was really just for show. 

Aro called "Everyone please clear out some space in front of the fire for Carlisle and I." He gave the bowl with the greens to someone, he didn't care whom and gave him the order to turn them as much he could to dust. He removed his gloves and cloak and started to unbutton his white shirt. When he was only wearing his sleeveless undershirt, he unbuckled his belt, to be more comfortable and pretended not to notice Carlisle's look. 

He took the, now ready, bowl and sat down in front of the fireplace, opposite of Carlisle. Aro put his right hand in the fireplace and buried it in the ashes. He pulled it out when it was fully covered and pressed both hands in a prayer stance, at his heart's height. 

"What are you doing?" Carlisle asked. "Cleansing", Aro answered and rubbed his hands a bit so some ash fell into the bowl in front of him. He buried his hand in the bowl now and told Carlisle to mimic his sitting position, indian style. "First I have to locate all the infected areas. Stay still, close your eyes, you can talk if you want to." Aro ordered and closed his own eyes. He gathered some stuff from the bowl and held his palm relaxed in front of Carlisle's forehead. 

It lingered there for a moment before Aro lightly touched two fingers and left a short mark there. He moved lower to Carlisle's lips and touched one finger to his top lip dragging it to the bottom one. "This is how the spirit entered." and as a second thought he added "Yes, all spells are actually spirits."  
"It crawled in?", Carlisle joked.  
"No. From a kiss most likely" Aro was dead serious.  
"I think I would remember kissing a witch, don’t you find?" It was particularly defensive to Aro who just ignored it and slowly, lowered his palm more. 

He stopped at Carlisle's stomach and pressed again two fingers to draw a short line. Carlisle's body tensed. "Here is the first, the biggest problem" Aro said.  
"Yeah, no shit.", Carlisle might still have been a little drunk.  
"You are lucky. This is a very sloppy job. If the spell was done correctly, it would have been a lot more serious. This was a young, inexperienced witch, who did it without thinking, maybe not even realising it. Not hard to remove, but I warn you now, it will hurt." Aro said and Carlisle opened his eyes to look at him on the last comment but found them closed. 

Aro lowered his palm some more which made Carlisle nervous, and honestly kinda excited because he was getting dangerously close to his groin. Aro's hand stopped at the lowest part of his belly and he opened his eyes too. "I need to make a mark here. Don't get too excited." Carlisle looked down embarrassed, Aro laughed to himself and the crowd around was both horrified and amused. Aro used both hands to lower Carlisle's underwear a bit and repeated the same action as before, two fingers to make a line. He released Carlisle's waistband and let it fall back into place. 

He then, turned to the people around them and asked to bring him 7 flowers, the kind didn't matter. Three people walked out so he turned to Carlisle "I need you to lie on your back and calm yourself down, pray if it helps you." he motioned to the cross Carlisle was wearing around his neck. Carlisle chuckled "I don't think God would want to witness this blasphemy". Yes he considered witchcraft a blasphemy but it didn't stop him from accepting it for help. Did that make a hypocrite? Probably… He didn’t care, he wasn't that big a believer anymore.

"Oh, so talking to God and wearing a rosary is fine, but asking help from spirits is not? The only difference between prayer and spells is that spells actually work." Aro said.  
Carlisle considered him for a long time but remained silent.

 

The people who had gone out for flowers returned. Aro inspected them and told Carlisle again to lie on his back. He once more put his hands in the fireplace and covered them both in ashes. He moved to have better access to Carlisle's whole body and sat next to his torso. He directed him to keep his palms facing up and to keep as still as he could. Carlisle nodded and braced for the promised pain. 

Aro placed the flowers on Carlisle's body : his lips, his throat, his heart, his stomach, the lowest part of his belly where he had made a mark, and both his palms. The flowers were a type of offering, he explained. "You're ready?" he asked and waited for Carlisle's nod of agreement.

When he got it, he pressed his palms together again in a praying position and closed his eyes. He didn't say a word but everyone felt _something _happening, a small breeze, a rise in the room temperature. Carlisle started twitching from trying to stay still, Aro broke out in sweat and finally the flowers turned to dust and Aro released his tension with a groan.__

____

He opened his eyes to make sure that they did in fact burn and took a breath to prepare for the next part. He moved his hands and let them hover over Carlisle's face, not touching him. Aro closed his eyes to focus again and after a moment Carlisle reached up instinctively to push Aro's painful hands away. He caught himself in time though and settled for growling instead. 

__

A pained, heartbreaking growl ripped from his throat that unsettled everyone and made some scream for Aro to stop. But then Aro moved his hands to Carlisle's throat and the latter moaned in relief. "Take a breath, you won't be able to for while" he told him and tilted his head to sweep some sweat on his shoulder. When Carlisle nodded again, Aro repeated his previous action. This time Carlisle didn't growl, he couldn't, but he fisted his hands so hard they spasmed. Aro moved lower without giving him time to rest and stopped at his heart. Carlisle's breath was erratic and now with his throat free, a scream escaped him and he arched his back in pain. His chest hit Aro's hands and recoiled as if burned. 

__

Aro lost focus, Carlisle’s thoughts invaded his mind and all the energy he was manipulating escaped his grasp for a moment.  
Everyone realized it in different ways. The spectators felt the sudden wind, saw the fire roar, Aro had to wrestle with the angry spirit and Carlisle felt his lungs fill with something that wasn’t oxygen, and suffocate him.

__

Aro regained control and he only lifted his hands when he finished with the heart. He was sweating and panting like crazy, and so was Carlisle. He hadn't practiced witchcraft in years, which made now a lot harder. 

__

"Two more" he tried to reassure the man he was practically torturing. Carlisle gave him a pleading look and then nodded, fisting his hands in advance. Aro focused once more, over Carlisle's stomach and Carlisle felt as if he were on fire. He was ready to shout for mercy after an eternity, but Aro released him from the flames and moved lower. A sudden, stabbing pain pierced through Carlisle's belly and he couldn't help squirming away from it, hopelessly of course. But it was nothing compared to the fire. A second later Aro lifted his hands and freed the man from his invisible hold. He pressed his hands in the praying style one last time, and he was free too. 

__

He felt dizzy, a sudden wind blew the fire out and the room temperature significantly dropped. Aro patted Carlisle's chest and let him know he could move. He stood up himself and stumbled to the kitchen to wash his hands. He splashed water to his face and turned to look at Carlisle who had just sat up with Edward's help. "Someone get him blood" he ordered and someone brought him the bottle from the room. Carlisle took it and looked at Aro, full of hope. They were both dirty from the ashes, with sweat running down their faces and spreading the grey-ness, they looked like they had returned from war. He took a sip doubtful and didn't break eye contact, which made Edward quite uncomfortable. The air stood still as everyone waited for a reaction.

__

Nothing happened.

__

A victorious smile started spreading on Carlisle's lips and it was transmitted to everyone else. Aro nodded wearing his own smile and went to put his shirt back on. Carlisle felt a sting of nervousness "Don't go.", he said a bit too quickly. "We need to talk.", he added hoping he had covered his nerves a bit. Aro saw right through him and agreed. Carlisle visibly relaxed. He told everyone he needed to shower because he was disgustingly filthy, and left for the bathroom a little too quickly.

__

Aro stayed with his shirt in his hands for a moment, hesitant. He was left alone in enemy territory and he was no longer essential.

__


	4. Actual argument

Carlisle didn’t spend anymore time thinking. He walked out of the bathroom, his hair still dripping, and stood in front of Aro for a second before kneeling before him, bowing his head and offering him his wrists, right in front of everyone. “Please, accept my gratitude as I thank you for your help. I realise you offered it when you needn’t have and for that I am thankful” Carlisle would have gone on if Aro hadn’t jumped up and stopped him. “Don’t do that.” He looked around at their audience for the briefest moment, clearly trying to choose his words carefully but there were none that could convey his message better. “Don’t bow to anyone. Especially to me.” Carlisle gathered his courage and stood again.

What he had just done was the ultimate way to show respect and submission to another vampire and it usually involved a promise to repay the help, but all Aro saw in the gesture was what was done in slave trade. So he never accepted it.

Carlisle met his eye and spoke calmly “We need to talk”. The Cullens, who just witnessed their very own leader submit like that to Aro Volturi of all people, were uneasy to leave the two alone, but Jasper urged them all outside, without saying a word.

Once alone, the two vampires casually repositioned themselves so that they were standing opposite of each other with a good distance between them. Aro tried not to be too defensive about what he would hear but seeing Carlisle, the epitome of calm to an annoying degree, nervous and hesitating was a bad sign. So he stood and waited. Carlisle let another moment pass before beginning.

"I believe I owe you an apology first and foremost. That night, when I left you that message, I was extremely drunk and selfish. When you didn't respond I got consecutively paranoid and assumed the worst. I was angry at you and the truth is, I knew you would be able to help me with _this _, but I didn't seek your help out of pride and egoism. I expected you to  
make contact even though, you knew nothing of the situation and I blamed you for indifference. It was unfair of me to do so, and I apologise. "__

__Aro opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. What Carlisle was doing held a very close resemblance to confession, and in that moment words were powerful, so Aro had nothing to say._ _

__Carlisle was looking at him quite hopeful but when Aro didn't acknowledge his apology he started losing his courage. He blinked a few times and licked his lips to gather his thoughts._ _

"This particular incident however, made me realise something."  
Aro remained stoic and Carlisle felt cold sweat run down his torso. He was getting more and more discouraged but he needed to speak, if he didn't say the words, they would choke him.  
"I realised, how much I missed you..." He checked Aro's eyes to evaluate the risk and continued "And... I would like us to try again" 

“No.” the answer came fast and Carlisle felt as if he was punched.  
“Aro-”  
“No Carlisle! Who do you think I am?” he asked. Carlisle didn’t step back even when Aro started approaching.  
“I know this was a bit too sudden, but please take some time to think about it?”  
Aro’s eyes fell to Carlisle’s hands looking for the gold band on his ring finger and found it.  
“I don’t need to think about it, I don’t _believe _you.” he spat at the blond.  
Carlisle was hurt by that but Aro was riled up ready to burst “Your promises are shallow” he continued “and I am _not_ going to do _that _again”.____

__

********

_____ _

Carlisle’s feet were screwed to the floor and by now the leader of the most dangerous coven was at a breath’s distance from his face, but Carlisle was never good at estimating risk, “Listen, I understand that I hurt you and I’ve never actually apologised, but I have changed.” 

__

Aro chuckled at that, because it was true. The man he had meet all these years ago was closer to a scared puppy than anything else. “Changed yes, but you will leave again, because you have not found what you are looking for” he said and backtracked a few steps. “I can’t go through that again” he continued when he had reached the door.

__

“Aro wait, please give me a chance”  
Aro’s hand was on the doorknob but he still was facing Carlisle “Don’t you _dare _ask me that Carlisle. Because you’re quick to call me the bad guy, but at least when I rip someone’s heart out, I take credit for it”  
__

__Aro turned and left, leaving Carlisle to stare at an open door._ _

__


	5. Aro in the plane

Aro had his boarding pass in his hands and he was waiting for the gate to open.  
What was he doing...? Was he really leaving Carlisle behind like _he_ had done so many years ago? Was Caius going to kill him for that episode? Maybe…

But he was angry at Carlisle. How dare him tell him he wants to try again like it's the most natural thing in the world?

Truth is, it should be the most natural thing in the world. That's exactly what soulmates are, meant to be together. And Aro wanted that too. But he was scared, because Carlisle was never certain of what he wanted, had never been sure he wanted to be with Aro and that fucked Aro up. It hurt him like an arrow to the knee because he felt rejected. But he would never push Carlisle into something he didn't want, so he suffered in silence.

And after all, Carlisle had never claimed to be his... He wasn't comfortable with Aro's bite mark on his collarbone and always tried not to show it too much. Aro had one from Carlisle at the same spot but contrary to his mate, _he_ wore it with pride. And Carlisle hadn't told anyone that he and Aro were soulmates, most (if not all except for like 2) of his friends thought Esme was his soulmate and Carlisle had never denied it.

\---

Aro had received the invitation for Carlisle and Esme’s wedding a couple of days after Carlisle's letter. A letter where he was explaining to Aro that he was truly and completely in love with Esme, and he understood that Aro might be opposed their wedding but he would be greatly hurt if he didn't attend it.

As promised in the letter Aro, had an invitation in his hands a few days later. He had seriously considered to burn it, but only for a moment, because he would never intentionally hurt Carlisle. So he swallowed all his pride, packed a suitcase for a long trip, spend two days in Paris searching for a house with the best view of the Eiffel Tower and then boarded a ship for the states.

Needless to say, whatever vampire friends Carlisle had managed to make already, were surprised to see him there, but Carlisle was ecstatic. He introduced him to his very-soon-to-be wife and Aro actually loved her.

And he hated that.

But Esme truly won his heart, and he saw how perfect she and Carlisle would be together. He gave his mate the key to the two storey house in Paris and his blessing and settled to laying low. He was polite and generally pleasant to anyone who approached him, and he managed to smile throughout the ceremony.

Of course, Carlisle wanted a Christian wedding so after a long speech the priest told the couple to make their vows.

They were both beautiful, and suddenly Aro was reminded of the vows he and Carlisle had made to each other, one night when they were drunk pissed. They swore never to drink their favourite drink without the other's presence, tequila for Carlisle, rum for Aro. And _that_ was commitment. Aro had kept that vow to that day, and if he could judge Carlisle from that drunken encounter, he had chosen something, many things actually, and not a single drop of tequila…

The priest finally told Carlisle he could kiss the bride. Carlisle turned to his wife with a smile that shouted 'I love you' and leaned in softly for a kiss.

Aro tried... He really really tried, but he couldn't watch.... He lowered his eyes and stifled the cry of pain that threatened to escape him. He only looked up when he heard clapping and happy shouting and saw that Carlisle was watching him expectantly, so he took the shot and killed his own heart.

He smiled and started clapping along with everyone else. And Carlisle was happy.

\---

He had denied the airhostess' offer of a meal for the third time when it dawned on him. Caius wouldn't kill him, that was bad for their image. He would _disown_ him. And he had every right to do so. Carlisle had shown up in front of Aro drunk, blocking him from completing his mission, and Aro just accepted that. He forgot all about the reason he had come to the USA, sent his guards back to Italy and he himself remained to make sure his mate was alright.

Now, that on itself wasn't a crime but Caius could easily twist it and make it one. He had been wanting more and more power as the years came and Aro who put the limit, was becoming more and more of an inconvenience.

He didn't know how much time had passed when again, a worried airhostess approached him.  
"Sir, are you alright?"  
Aro was surprised to be talked to, and as he turned to look at the polite young woman he realised, a few tears had spilled from his eyes. He made a quick move to clear his face and he simply replied  
"I just left the love of my life behind, and I'm heading home only to be disowned by my _family_... Please, leave me in peace..."

The air hostess was speechless for a moment, and then nodded as if she understood and left.  
Aro tried to think of something else, anything, but his mind kept going back to Carlisle. Their first kiss after so many years... Both their bite marks on each other visible at the same time. Everyone finding out at once.  
And then Caius, his brother. He imagined the pleasure he is going to feel when he cuts Aro's hair and says the words that will cast him away. What was he going to do? Where was he supposed to go?

And then the captain called for the people to return to their seats and fasten their seatbelts, because they were getting ready for landing. He also warned for turbulence.

Aro had been in many, many flights in his life, and he wasn't afraid of being trapped in a metal bird thousands of meters high in the sky. His life wasn't at risk.

However the pilot must have been new, and even though he had taken off well enough, he had trouble with the landing. He had lowered the plane and was getting ready to touch ground when he fell into a current. For the passengers it felt like a ride on a bumpy road in a car who missed one tire. But the pilot lost his cool a bit and instead of getting out of the current and trying again, he lowered the plane even more, and forcefully. The result was the plane to jolt up, down and sideways and many passengers to yelp in fear.

Aro felt his stomach to leave his body and he took a deep slow breath. He looked out of the window and saw that the land was in fact very close and he reasoned with himself that hey, if we fall, aim for a tree or something. We're close enough, you will probably survive... Completely forgetting the fact that there was no way out and that _he_ would survive anyway.

After another invisible bump on their road that was particularly violent, his hands reacted faster than his mind and he gripped the armrests on his seat, because that would _of_ _course_ save him. The jolting continued all the way to the ground, and when Aro saw the tires appear from the plane's wings, he braced himself for a hard landing. He exhaled slowly and released the armrests from his grip and then finally they touched land and he felt so happy to be on the ground.

He got out and felt the urge to kneel and feel the earth with his bare hands.

But it wasn't that strong.

So he didn't.

In the airport, he went to the restrooms because he still felt uneasy and thought his reflection was a little too pale. He splashed some water on his face and noticed his hands were shaking a little. He went to grab some paper towels angry at himself and left quickly. It was just a bad flight’, he reasoned with himself, but he couldn’t stop shaking.

He waited for a taxi at the airport "station" and checked himself one last time. He had removed his cloak, it was a little odd to wear such a piece of clothing outside of the palace and now he was holding it in his hand in such a way that it was hard to tell what it was. He was only in his white shirt, which attracted a few curious looks, since the weather was still cold enough to require at least a jacket. But he was also wearing his gloves. Yes it was a weird combination. He didn't pay that any mind.

He got in a taxi and gave the destination to a very pleased driver, for the ride was long. Very long.


	6. Aro is banished

Aro walked in the palace, the guards on the front gates remaining stoic but the very second he walked past the doors they broke position and broke out in speculation. Caius and Marcus were waiting in the throne room. When news came that Aro had returned, the palace turned unsettled and the two leaders were standing in the middle of the room both their thrones forgotten. Guards were standing all around the room in a protective circle. Caius and Marcus had two guards standing right behind them.

 

Aro walked in, slowly. None of the _feelings_ he had in the aeroplane were visible anymore. The click clack of his boot heels echoed in the empty tall room and pierced the deafening silence. Aro came to a stop in front of his younger brother, untied his black, formal cloak and let it fall to the floor. He removed the protective gloves from his hands and dropped them as well. The blunt sound the cloak made as it folded on the floor resembled a contract and then, when he removed all three rings from his right hand, it felt like he put his signature on it.

 

He looked at the rings, all gold, each carved with a letter, A C M for their names. Then he outstretched his hand and waited for Caius to accept them. When he did, Aro let them go with no sign of regret. Caius held the rings and tried to kill Aro with his look. Aro was buying none of this.

"I'm leaving.", he said.

 

It wasn't a question, there was no regret, no sadness, no fear. It was a statement, a fact.

 

"Will you do something about it?", he added after a while, since no one else talked.

Caius still didn’t reply.

Aro nodded, and it could be interpreted as mocking, but Caius chose to ignore that.

 

"Felix, bring me his sword!", Caius ordered after a moment giving no space for challenge and Felix ran to his task.

Aro, knowing what had to be done, unbuttoned his shirt, and bent down to take his boots off. He threw them both aside and knelt vulnerable in front of his brothers barefoot in his shoulder-less undershirt. He kept his head low, not quite expecting a death sentence, but not rejecting the idea it either.

 

The throne room held its breath.

 

After a moment of thought, his brothers nodded and Caius started

"You, Aro, have proved yourself to be disloyal to the palace. You allowed a man who is formally nothing to you, to be disrespectful against you, against _us_ , and you imposed no punishment. Instead of proving our power and demanding his submission, you showed _weakness_ and accepted his accusations. More, you ordered your guards to leave, and not to battle, and you remained with the _traitor_. You, as leader of the Volturi palace had the responsibility to _defend_ us, but you picked the side of the traitor." he paused for dramatic effect.

"However, we are aware of the situation between you and Carlisle and we understand why you couldn't impose yourself to him. Even though we do not consider the protective sentiment towards a soulmate a crime, your behavior proved that you are no longer suitable as our leader. No second chances, and that is true for everyone. The disrespect your weakness inflicted and the harm it caused to our name, deserves a punishment. Marcus and I, have decided not to punish you by death, but with public dishonor, permanent scarring to remind you and everyone else of your betrayal and weakness, and by banishing you from the palace for an undetermined period of time"

 

Caius waited for something, anything but got nothing, Aro accepted his sentence with no reaction.

“Aro, if you have something to say in your defense, say it now." he said.

 

Aro remained silent, he didn’t need to defend himself, but when the running footsteps of Felix started echoing close by, he lifted and held up his hair. He wasn't going to let Caius do it and rob him so blatantly of his dignity.

 

Felix came carrying the sword and handed it to Caius. He took hold of it with one hand and with the other he enveloped Aro's on his hair, encouraging him to let go. Aro did, and lowered his hand to his side. Caius tugged his hair back forcing Aro to bear his throat and lifted the sword high in the air. Every guard stared wide eyed as one of their leaders was about to get denounced and banished. Aro looked at no one in particular but didn’t close his eyes and braced himself to withstand the looks he would receive.

 

Caius lowered the sword with force and cut Aro's hair right next to his closed fist. The sweep the sword made was extremely loud, but nobody gasped, nobody made a sound, and Aro didn't even blink.

 

Aro's head was released and instead of letting it fall forward to avoid looking at anyone, he held it high, some tufts of hair -now short- fell to his face. A guard ran to Caius to take Aro's visible pride, and Aro heard Caius walk around him to end up in front of him and a little to the side. Aro kept his eye level straight, denying his brother the pleasure of looking at him from his knees. Caius held the sword with selfish pride.

 

It was Aro's, in every way and everyone knew it. It was a massive sword, heavy even for a vampire. The handle long, uneven in such a way that it was impossible to slip from its keeper's hand. The blade engraved with symbols from another language, Aro later discovered it was Enochian and managed to take advantage of it. He cast a spell, on it and he had created a weapon capable of easily taking a vampire's life. Some guards, speculated that it was an angel sword but Aro never quite believed that. He rarely let anyone else hold that sword and Caius' pleasure was tangible.

 

Caius lost his patience quickly and seeing that Aro wasn't about to react, he tightened his hold on the weapon and with no warning he thrust his hand forward, his position providing a perfect aim through Aro's right shoulder. The blade cut through him with ease, the pain impossible and he was unprepared for it. He shut his jaw tight and growled through his teeth finally looking up to his brother, angry that he didn't warn him before charging him. Caius smiled an ugly smile and pulled the sword back, wiggling it to cause more pain. Aro shut his eyes and held back the urge to scream his pain and protest.

 

The thing about that sword was that it not only made vampires bleed, but it prevented wounds from healing. Aro would have to carry the wound for months before it was fully healed and he would have to carry the scar forever. Blood flooded his shoulder, it coloured his white shirt and dripped down his body.

 

"Hands behind your back", Caius ordered and Aro complied immediately. He straightened his pose and bared his throat back knowing fully well what was about to happen. Caius looked disappointed that his brother didn't resist at all and he lifted his arm fast to gain momentum. He lowered it with too much force and passion and the cut on Aro's torso was almost too deep.

 

A cut beginning from Aro's not-stabbed shoulder (left) and ending at his right hipbone. His shirt was torn open and the blood drenched him having nothing to absorb it. He didn’t scream, he accepted the pain and let it travel through him, like he had done so many times with magic energy. Gasps were now heard in the throne room, but Aro only let one small moan escape him.

 

He gave himself a minute to get his voice under control before deciding to speak.

“May I take some things from my chambers before leaving?”

His voice was plain, you wouldn’t guess what had just happened if you hadn't seen it. Aro sounded bored, if I dare say, and that enraged Caius. But he had to allow his brother that much, they allowed strangers much more.

“Be gone by 5…”

 

Caius replied and turned away, dragging the sword behind him, his personal guards followed his step. Marcus looked at Aro indifferently, no surprise there, but if Aro touched Marcus' hand in the spare second that his hand was outstretched towards him, he would know that Marcus was concerned that he would be alone, he was afraid that he wouldn't make peace with his true soulmate and now with him gone, that Caius would lose himself in power.

 

But Aro didn't touch Marcus, and he didn't see his brother's concern.

 

Marcus' personal guards left with him. Aro didn't slouch even when his brothers left, he kept his posture and stood up calmly. He picked up his discarded clothes with a controlled groan, one of his most loyal guards made a move to reach him and help him, but Aro stopped him with a gesture and walked barefoot to his chambers. He didn't want to take anyone down with him.

 

Once in their safety, he let his shoulders fall, and he bit his lip so as not to scream. He ran to the bathroom, ripping his shirt in the meantime. He inspected the damage in the full body mirror, his shoulder was bleeding non stop. He needed alcohol and he needed to bandage everything. He wrapped his torso in a makeshift bandage with his shirt and headed for the kitchen. He responded to the weird looks he received with angry snarls and growls, so nobody said anything. He scavenged the alcohol supply and took a bottle of blue tequila. He ordered one of the servants to bring him a large, long bandage and disinfectant alcohol and left for his room before the blood soaked and dripped from his shirt.

 

He got in the tub and ripped his clothes. He found a piece of shirt that remained magically clean and put in in his mouth. He took the bottle of disinfectant with his left hand and poured it on his body. He clenched his jaw on the fabric and kept pouring. He felt like he was on fire but he had to keep going. He took the fabric out of his mouth, soaked it in alcohol and pressed it tightly to his useless shoulder. This time he screamed....

 

Caius, on the other side of the palace heard him and smiled....

 

Aro let himself slide down and lean on the wall. His shoulder buzzed with every breath, and with every breath he drew his chest trembled. He turned the water on and let it fall down on him. His head was filled with pain and the freezing waterfall helped him clear it a bit. In all the haze, one thought was crystal clear, he was free. He was alone, but free. He opened the tequila and started drinking.

 

His wounds stopped bleeding after he downed half the bottle. He managed to stand up and wrap himself with the bandage. He opened his closet, his formal white shirts the first thing he saw, a number of cloaks, trousers and vests. His shiny shoes, his handmade boots, his leather gloves, handmade jackets and straps for his weapons. All things he hasn't used in a long while... He walked further in, towards his weapons, staggers, knives, sticks, chains, a machete. All weapons treated a special way, rendered capable to hurt or even kill vampires. He actually missed, having weapons on him, having to fight.

 

The slot for his sword was empty. Looking at it made him realise that for the first time in long long time, he felt lost. He had no Carlisle, he had no family. All he had was freedom, and he had no idea what to do with it.

 

He walked back to the front and searched for a specific pair of clothes, black jeans and a t-shirt. He didn't have many clothes of this kind. He didn't have any casual shoes either, so he put on dress shoes and walked back to his main room, to search for his civilian necessities. He put his mobile in his pocket and he checked his wallet. It was filled with cash and a few cards. He made sure his ID was there and looked around. Nothing got his attention and surprisingly, he realised, he wouldn't miss a thing.

 

He passed a hand to his jaw, where his stubble had grown and attracted Carlisle's attention. He decided to screw it and not shave. It was high time he left anyway. The wound would open again soon and this time he would have to stitch it. He didn't take anything but his phone and his wallet. His brothers wanted him gone, so fuck them. He never needed them anyway…

 

On his way out, he held his head high, some guards laughed, some said goodbye, a few offered to follow him but only Demetri dared to stop him.

"Where will you go now, sir?"

"I have not decided yet."

"May I suggest then, the hairdresser's first of all."

Aro laughed, and every guard in the surrounding area ceased all motion, for it was a sincere laugh, a rare sight.

"Thank you for the advice. And honestly, I think I will meet up with some friends and no matter where I am, the road for me always leads back to France."

 

He whispered the last part and said goodbye to the only person in the entire palace he truly trusted and liked.

 

He left Voltera.

 


	7. Carlisle with Sam

A month had passed since Carlisle was thrown into the black sea of rejection, May was almost over.

Sam approached slowly, his eyes locked on the vampire who was smoking on the porch, calculating if it was safe to show himself. Carlisle did not seem to care one bit about the wolf who hesitantly exposed his muzzle, he didn’t even spare him a glance. So Sam walked up to him, and transformed back to man, to walk up the steps to the porch. “There’s a pair of trousers on the couch” Carlisle said looking the other way. Sam nodded and opened the glass door to the empty house. He put them on and went back to the vampire, getting close enough to smell his smoke.

His bare feet touched water and he suddenly looked down. There was water everywhere. A lot of water. All around the vampire. And burned out cigarettes. Also a lot of them.

And now that Sam paid closer attention he saw that the blond’s pants and socks were soaked, even though he didn’t seem to be uncomfortable sitting in wet clothes.

Sam stood next to Carlisle, realising it was probably a bad time to ask what he came for. Ash fell off Carlisle’s cigarette and it sizzled as it hit the water. Carlisle picked up Sam’s curiosity but he wouldn’t answer an unasked question and Sam was forced to ask after a long silence. “Why the water?” Carlisle took a long drag and let the smoke fill his lungs until it burned. “I didn’t _want_ to start a fire _.”_ he simply said. Sam nodded getting the basic idea, even though the logic behind it was almost non-existent, and sat down next to him trying not to flinch as his pants got drenched as well.

They stayed like that for a while, silent, Carlisle blowing out smoke away from the wolf and Sam deciding what to say first. His initial apprehension to approach was because the blond’s eyes were closer to black than he had ever seen before and he knew from experience hungry vampires weren’t good company.

The rest of the vampires, those who remained, must have gone hunting and Carlisle must have refused like all the other times, he assumed.

It was strange for the wolves to watch the vampire coven separate. It was something necessary. By the end of July they would all be gone, but it had to be a slow process. They had decided in early February that in the summer they would leave Forks, and they would spend some time apart from each other. Sam supposed it was vital that they didn’t end up hating each other, and judging from his personal experience, living with the same people for long enough can drive you crazy. He understood their plan.

Carlisle hadn’t touched alcohol since he met Aro but was uncharacteristically careless nonetheless. Sam supposed that was to be expected too. Carlisle had told his family that starting May 14th they were free to leave as they pleased. He was trying not to snap at his family but it was hard. He was angry. Not at them of course, but the fact that they cared was infuriating him. He was a worthless piece of garbage and they were worried for him.

When Rosalie tried to tell him, they would all stay for as long as he needed them, he did snap and he said things he regretted afterwards. “No Rose! You are finally free of my cruel _dictatorship_ , that you despise so! Go. I don’t need you.” He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, but the damage was done. He tried to collect himself, tried to think of anything other than how he hurt all the people he loved, and he stammered an apology that was not quite accepted. The next day Rosalie left with Emmett, and Carlisle decided to buy his first pack of cigarettes in years.

Jasper and Alice were next.  
Jasper had tried to convince Carlisle to join them in their hunt after the second time Carlisle had refused. “What are you even doing here Jasper? A natural leader who fought and won wars and you’re answering to me? A coward who avoids confrontation at all costs, who became a leader by mere chance? What could I ever give you that you would want? Go be someone, I am only holding you back.” Jasper had been rendered speechless. And Carlisle turned and shut the door to his room, shielding himself from every word Jasper might have said. A few days later Jasper and Alice left, destination unknown.

Since the wolves picked up what had happened they were nicer to the vamps, they kept Carlisle company whenever they could, didn’t leave him alone with his thoughts. And Carlisle could appreciate that, but he wasn’t very pleasant, and he knew it.

His cigarette reached the filter and he let it drop, breathing clear air a few times before lighting a new one.

“Hey doc, you know how much I hate asking for help…” _ _ __Not really _,_____ Carlisle thought and breathed in fresh smoke. “But I broke my leg and it healed all wrong and I didn’t want my pack to know… So maybe, if you could…” He let the question go unasked and looked away from the vampire, who turned to study him.  
“Where?” Carlisle asked blankly.  
“Here at the very top”, Sam pointed to his hip. _ _ _ _ __How on earth _,_______ Carlisle thought and flicked the ash off his cigarette. He stood up and took hold of Sam’s leg. He pressed his fingers on the bone and found the problem immediately. “This will hurt” he informed him, cigarette hanging from his lips. Sam nodded and fisted his hands. Carlisle made a sudden move and the bone snapped from its place, he quickly pressed his hands from either side of the broken bone hard and he felt it shatter under his strength. Sam howled in pain and pushed the vampire away, failing to move him even an inch. Carlisle eased up and let his hands adopt the shape he wished the bone to take. The healing had already started and Sam was trying to keep as still as possible.

And just like that, it was done. Carlisle moved away and flicked his ash once more before retaking his previous seat. Sam was breathing hard and fast and his hands had moved instinctively around the vulnerable bone, where the doctor’s hands had been seconds ago. “Thank you” he said sincerely.  
“You have to try it first.” Carlisle argued and let his gaze wander the woods surrounding them. He had never been bothered by the forest before, but lately he felt he was trapped, he felt like the trees were stealing his oxygen.

“Hey Sam, I am not staying in the States anymore, and I figured that taking my car with me is just not worth it. I thought about selling it, but if you have any room for her, she’s yours. I don’t really care what you do with it, scrap it if you want.” Sam was left speechless for a second and he stammered before thanking him. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __Where are you going? _,__________ came to Sam’s mind but he didn’t voice it. Up until 3 days ago, Carlisle hadn’t decided, and Sam doubted there was an update.

“Remember a couple of days ago, with that new vamp who wandered here?”, Sam asked instead. “I never got to tell you, I admired the way you handled him.” Carlisle turned to look at the wolf surprised. “He was just scared, young and full of hopeless enthusiasm.” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, _God, he was me _,____________ he thought. “He didn’t deserve to die because of his foolishness.”

Sam nodded, “You are a god man, Carlisle.”, he said and damn, he never uses Carlisle’s name so he must be really serious. Carlisle chuckles “There are many things you don’t know about me, Sam.”

He paused to take a drag. “I executed my dearest friend, when I was 15.”

Sam froze and his full attention focused on the vampire.

“You know my father was a pastor. What you don’t know is how fierce he was, and how little he cared about me.” Another drag.

He never talks about his father, or his human life but he has started now and the words just beg to be spoken.

“I knew he never gave second chances, I knew he had burned people on false accusations and I was _very_ careful. But still, I was fifteen and in love. I got careless. One day, when I knew my father would be away from dawn ‘till midnight, I invited my _friend_ , to my house. But my father returned early. Way too early… He caught us in a rather… incriminating situation.”

He stopped to light another cigarette and blew a few smoke rings, keeping silence for long enough. Sam was almost certain the story was over.

“He didn’t use to beat me, but that day he… He wanted to kill me, I knew it. My friend scrambled to run away and I ended up with two broken ribs, along with numerous bruises and a destroyed face.”

Sam tried to swallow down what he was hearing, and boy it wasn’t easy.

“The very next day, my father dragged me out of the house to the central square. There, my _accomplice_ was being humiliated, publicly abused and he was in as bad a state as I was. News travel at the speed of light you see.”

Carlisle pursed his lips together, avoiding eye contact.

__________________“__________________ I don’t remember much other than the pleasure people had by abusing him. My father made a short speech, something about how my lover was a corrupting force, a slave of the devil and how he deserved _this_. And then a gun was handed to me and I was ordered to pull the trigger.”

Sam was listening in horror, his eyes fixed on the vampire’s profile, since he refused to face the wolf with all his might.

“He was looking at me. His clothes were torn apart, he was bleeding from everywhere, and he was looking at me. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t scared… He was just sad and I was holding the gun with my arm stretched, in front of his face. People around us were shouting for me to do it. They were _enjoying_ it… And he was forced to kneel in front of me. A man pushed my arm lower to keep him in aim and I couldn’t do anything. I was numb, frozen in place.”

Sam could tell the vampire was seeing the memory clear as day in his mind.

“He whispered he was sorry, but only I saw it, and my hand was shaking. And then my father spoke, saying if I didn’t condemn the _demon_ to hell, I would be held equally accountable. I couldn’t tear my eyes of my friends’ and my hand was shaking so bad, I doubted I would hit him even if I did pull the trigger. But my father was getting impatient, he yelled and the crowd agreed with cheers. I held my breath, but goddamn it I didn’t want to die… I pulled the trigger.”

_BANG! Cheers all around, screams of panic, and all he could hear was the high pitched shriek of his own blood, his own heart beat speeding up, the gun falling off his hand and his friend, his dead friend, the friend that he killed, tumbling to his side. He wanted to faint, he wanted to leave his body and wake up much later when everything would be better. But he was stuck there, watching the body of his friend on the ground, his own throat had closed completely making breathing impossible. He wanted to vomit but he couldn’t, he wanted to move but he couldn’t, he wanted to cry but he couldn’t._

_Finally someone pulled him back and he went without looking away for a second. The same afternoon his father had him in a carriage, prepaid and heading to a monastery away from London._

Sam finally looked away and processed Carlisle’s recite, he understood that was a sensitive subject for the vampire and he didn’t want to betray what was trusted to him, but he had no idea how to respond.

The tension in the atmosphere was a solid entity and Carlisle was starting to regret opening up, he was getting ready to get up and go inside, to leave the wolf on the porch.

“You stayed alive. That was what you did” Sam said and Carlisle decided it was an acceptable answer. He stayed rooted in his seat. Sam tried to imagine what effect such an action would have on a fifteen year old, and he found his conclusions terrifying.

“What happened after?” he asked after a while. “I stayed in the monastery my father sent me for 8 years until I was turned.”


	8. In the monastery

The carriage had left him at the gates and he had to walk in by himself. A monk was waiting on the other side of the wall to help him once he gathered the courage to enter. It only took Carlisle a few moments to force his legs to work but after the monk welcomed him he lost all communication with his body. He was shown the tiniest bit around, led to a hall with chambers and shown to one where he would be able to find privacy whenever he desired. The monk left him there for a minute with the promise of returning quickly.

Carlisle stood exactly where he was, facing the empty room.The monk returned, with a cloak for Carlisle and told him politely he could wear it when he was ready, and once again Carlisle was left to his own devices. He wasn’t thinking, really. His mind was empty, same as his chest. He didn’t know how much time had passed but when he moved to take off his clothes there was barely any light left and he couldn’t inspect the damage on his body. He put the dark grey cloak on and exited the tiny room when the sun had sunk down. 

He walked towards the inside garden not quite seeing the plants all around him, found a spot on the highest part of the garden, where if he stood he could see beyond the wall and there he remained until another monk approached him.

“Would you tell me your name, brother?” he asked and waited for an answer. When none came he added “We are preparing to dine and finish our deeds for today. You can always join”,but Carlisle wasn’t in any condition to interpret what the words meant. 

If he had access to modern medicine the doctors would obviously realise he was in severe shock, but he had no such means.

The monk looked over the blond, turned his gaze towards the approximate direction of the dining room and looked at Carlisle again. He made his decision and walked to stand next to the boy facing the other way than him and lowered himself down. He sat there calmly, leaning against the wall and kept the boy company. _He cannot be older than a boy. He scarcely has a moustache, _the monk thought.__

____

They stayed like that for hours, neither seemed to be doing anything other than breathing. At some point another monk brought some bread for them both, but Carlisle still made no move. The view from the monastery was quite pleasant indeed, but the caring monk was certain the boy wasn’t looking at the view, but rather inside his own mind. So he would stay there until the young man came out of his dream.

They spent the entire night without moving an inch, Carlisle didn’t watch the sun rise, even though it was happening in front of his eyes. A few other monks were urged to let them be by the one who was sitting next to Carlisle, and halfway through the morning, dark clouds formed, casual English weather. The monk protected his head by lifting his hood but Carlisle remained unbothered by the water that was hitting his face. After a moment’s consideration, the monk lowered his hood as well, and accepted the wind and the rain.

At first it was pouring and then it calmed to a drizzle and that was when Carlisle started showing he hadn’t actually gone mad. He took a deep shaken breath and he blinked away the rain. He turned to protect his face from the blows of the weather, looked at the soaked monk sitting next to him and sank down as well. He leaned his forehead on the wall and his breathing got erratic, but he couldn’t hold it anymore.

He broke down. First quietly, with only his tears testament to his pain, but that wasn’t enough… He turned around to sit properly and his hands shot up to cover his mouth while he groaned in pain. Soon he was sobbing and screaming, his knees were up in attempt to hide him from the world and he was crying his heart’s worth out.

And still the monk was sitting beside him. Never intruding, but there if he was needed.

\---

Carlisle had gone quiet, he held his head in his hands and was looking at the ground between his legs. They were brought dry cloaks after the rain but neither of them used them. It was once again getting dark.  
“William Carlisle”, the boy whispered. The monk nodded and introduced himself as brother Bartholomew. Talking was easier when they were hidden in the shadows of the night, Carlisle thought.

 

\---

Another day passed before Carlisle returned to his reason, enough to accept the “healer’s” offer to have a look at his injuries. Now that he wasn’t in shock the pain was clearer and breathing had become harder.

He was led to a chamber in the highest building of the monastery. A chamber that was cool and shaded, protected from the weather. There was more oxygen up there.

Having removed his clothes, his body was exposed. His previously angelic face was now battered and his skin that had always been protected from the sight of sun, was stained with dark patches of blue and purple. One particularly large bruise covered the entirety of his right ribs and after a second’s inspection, the healer realised Carlisle had two broken ribs.

The boy in his prudishness was too embarrassed to look at the healer’s eyes as he was estimating the damage on his body.

He was given opium to make him go to sleep as the healer tended to his injuries, so his memory of the following week was spastic and hazy. He was given bits and bites of bread, barely enough to sustain him, and large amounts of opium so he remained calm and sedated, but he did remember screaming because the healer was trying to make sure his bones fixed themselves the right way and thus pushing and pulling his ribs mercilessly.

\--  
But Carlisle did heal eventually and started participating in the daily life. He learned to make bread and tend the plants, and in the rare occasion when the monks had to visit the town, he went with them. And for a while it was enough.

The first step towards salvation was to make peace with yourself, and there is peace in knowing what you are capable of, as he was advised. And he tried, god be his witness, he tried. But he never felt calm enough, he never felt content, he always gazed towards the illusion of freedom.

Whenever he was in the town, he stayed a little too long, he talked with a few too many people, he offered his help a few too many times, and not surprisingly, he caught the _illness _that was commonly known as the Black Death.__

____

He was taken into quarantine in the monastery and for a week he was battling death. He was ready to go, he was _begging _to go, but the healer didn’t let him. A few other monks had passed the illness, survived and showed no signs they would catch it again, so the healer had this theory that maybe one could acquire this immunity. So he took some blood from the three survivors and did an ungodly thing. He made Carlisle drink from the clean blood and he cut the boy’s arm to bring his blood in touch with the clean one. He wasn’t sure what he did would help, but he refused to let the boy die.__

______ _ _

And oddly enough, Carlisle woke up well three days later.

______ _ _

\----

______ _ _

The days that change the course of your life seem at first like the most natural, uneventful days of your life.

______ _ _

So for Carlisle it was another day that he tended to his tasks, another day that his gaze lingered for way too long beyond the walls, another day that he made the conscious choice to remain in this prison.

______ _ _

As dusk started falling down, he offered to help a brother light up some torches so they had a few more hours of light and when he walked in brother Lazare’s chamber he found him praying. Lazare had been here since before Carlisle entered the monastery but it seemed like he was the one who had lived the longest on the outside.

______ _ _

Carlisle always enjoyed his company, but saw him now deep in concentration. He didn’t want to intrude so he merely lit a few candles and went on his way. Perhaps later he would start reading the new book he obtained in the town last time he went, because lately he couldn’t sleep. He wanted to leave the monastery and rejoin the civil life. He wanted to study science and somehow regain his honour. Tomorrow perhaps…

______ _ _

That’s what he told himself every single night for the past two years.

______ _ _

He was standing at that place again, where the outside could be seen, where he could see the town below and hope he would find the strength to leave. And as he was listening to the voice inside his head trying to persuade him, he heard the church bell echo and he quickly refocused on the real world. His eyes scanned the dark town and he saw a few torches light up. He recognised the motif the sound made and froze. Vampires!

______ _ _

Brother Bartholomew rushed to where Carlisle was standing to see for himself. Screams of pain and cries of agony could be heard now and the monks were ready to move. The groups of torches from the town started moving toward the path that only led to the monastery. Bartholomew handed Carlisle a wooden stake and told him to rush to the bell. If he heard anything he had to bang it, call for help. Carlisle flew up the stairs and since he couldn’t see much, he focused all his attention on his ears.

______ _ _

Maybe it was a bad thing, but he didn’t feel fear, he was actually excited. This might be a chance for him…

______ _ _

The monastery held its breath and then BANG BANG BANG! Three loud knocks on the gate “Oh Lazare! Ou es-tu? Viens! N’aie pas de peur!” BANG BANG BANG! The wooden gate crumbled under the vampire’s force and two men and one woman burst in the monastery. Carlisle banged the bell to let the town know the vampires were there. He ran down the ladder and even though he didn’t know what he could do, he wanted to be with his brothers. As he was running he heard screams of pain and the laughter of the monsters who were slaughtering his brothers and stopped in his tracks. 

______ _ _

The reality of the situation crept in. He stretched his arm to touch the wall for support. He walked mindlessly, the sounds of the slaughter in the yard were all consuming and then his hand slipped as he reached an opening. His attention came back to him and he looked inside the room.

______ _ _

It was Lazare’s chamber and Carlisle saw him sitting calmly on the floor, his back to the door, his eyes raised to the huge cross on the wall in front of him. Carlisle meant to make a move and take the man out, maybe they would survive this. But before he could speak a word, Lazare stopped him.

______ _ _

“Leave Carlisle. Hide!”, he said and Carlisle was spurred into action when he heard the manic laughs of the vampires approaching. He ran and hid in panic, because yes, he might had made peace with the idea of death, had been ready for it, but now that he was certain his time had come, he was scared.

______ _ _

Lazare’s calm voice sounded for a second, but Carlisle could not make out any words, then his scream and then he fell silent. Carlisle’s breathing became rapid and the woman entered the room he was hiding in, and picked up the man’s presence immediately. She smiled widely and cornered him. “No please don’t. Don’t kill me” Carlisle was stumbling over his words but he was too afraid to make a move. The woman ignored his pathetic pleas and pinned him to the wall with her own body. She passed her hand through his hair and gripped it tight to pull his head to the side and expose his neck. She revealed her teeth and sank them them deep in Carlisle’s artery. 

______ _ _

She had absolutely no intention to push venom in the blond’s bloodstream but one of the two men shouted her name, startling her, because they needed to go or they would get caught and killed. The woman abandoned Carlisle and ran with her comrades.

______ _ _

Carlisle was crying out in pain and pressed his hand to his neck to minimize the bleeding. He walked towards the door as the fire spread with every erratic beat his heart gave. He had to get out, he had to leave the monastery because the people from the town would burn it all to the ground, even if there were survivors in. When he first heard the sound of the approaching crowd he was showered with a dose of adrenaline, and the fire spread faster and hotter.

______ _ _

He shut his mouth and stopped his throat from making a sound as he dragged himself as quietly as he could through the halls. He passed Lazare’s chamber on his way and his eyes glimpsed inside, almost making him cry out again.

______ _ _

Lazare was beheaded and his body was nailed to the cross on the wall, his head below his feet in a gruesome mockery.

______ _ _

Carlisle averted his eyes and stifled his pain. He kept dragging himself towards the main gate and he managed to exit before the crowd were close enough to notice him.

______ _ _


	9. Aro is attacked

Aro had fed and tried to enjoy the blood through the pain, but since his movements were limited, it was hard. He was in a narrow alleyway, using the wall of one of the buildings to steady himself and walking

_Stumbling ___

to get to the main road. He was tired, he felt like he would faint so he tried with everything he had to reach his house before losing conscience. His head was swimming in drowsiness and he had almost no contact with what was happening around him so it hit him like a brick. 

A man pushed him hard towards the wall he was leaning on, forcing the oxygen in his lungs to flee and the next breath to come sooner. With the fresh air, adrenaline flowed in his veins and he was suddenly very aware. The man who had pushed him was a vampire, and he was getting threateningly close again. He raised his fists and threw a punch aiming for his face, Aro raised both hands in defense and protected his nose from the impact. The vampire had him trapped against the wall and went for another attack aiming for his stomach. Aro didn't have time or space to react so the fist hit his stomach and he howled in pain. The attacker in his mania didn't realise what happened so he threw his other hand to Aro's stomach to continue. Aro sucked in air like a drowning man and he screamed again grasping with his hands the collar of the man's coat. The vampire felt something gooey drench his hand and saw Aro was looking at him with terror. He looked down at his hand and pulled back suddenly in shock. 

His fist was covered in blood.

In a second he was in Aro's personal space again, who was helpless just grabbing the wall for support. The man ripped his shirt open. He was met with a blood-red bandage and he did not hesitate to pull it open as well. Aro who had not stopped groaning and gritting his teeth in pain was now losing the battle with conscience again and he was sliding down the wall. The stranger vampire felt like puking. Aro's chest had a nasty gashing wound. There were stitches that held it together but were now dislocated and caused the barely healed wound to bleed. The stitches hadn't ripped really so they twisted Aro's flesh in a sick way. The vampire took a step back, Aro had leaned his head on the wall behind him, all his strength leaving him, with his torso open and bleeding and his shoulder useless. The vampire fled. 

Aro was dizzy from all the blood loss and he felt his stomach twist in knots trying to escape the sting of a rogue stitch and forcing him to empty all the precious blood he had managed to consume. He was taking rapid shallow breaths and felt the pain quiet to a buzz. He wouldn't black out from it but he hurt enough to not want to move. But he had to. He had to get home, stitch himself up again and stay alive. 

He tried to stand and his legs failed him. He used his good arm to pull as his legs pushed up and he managed to lift from the ground. He had to use his other hand as well in order to stand though, and his shoulder protested hard on that. He flexed every muscle on his body and his stomach spitted out a gulp of blood before he was on his feet.  
He paused to catch his breath and saw black spots circle his vision. "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" He screamed even though he knew it would be pointless. In _this _neighbourhood, no one was gonna come.__

__He was scared... Maybe he could get to the closest door and knock, surely if someone saw him they would call an ambulance. Maybe he should let a doctor help him. But no, what was he thinking? The doctors would try to give him meds and connect him to machines... How would he explain the wound and the ineffectiveness of drugs? He took a couple of steps and then he called for help again, in desperation. His stomach was dripping blood non stop and he pressed his right hand on the wound hoping to at least stop the blood flow but the pain on his shoulder was numbing his mind and he was about to decide to just lie down there and accept whatever was to come._ _

____

Then, the vampire who had attacked him appeared in front of him again.  
Aro looked at him with a pleading look for a moment and then took a breath. He straightened his pose as much as he could, one hand still clenching on his stab wound, the other on the wall for support "Go ahead." He said and braced himself for anything. The vampire examined him for an extended minute and then asked "Where do you live?" Aro didn't answer for a while so he said again "Listen, I could just leave you here to bleed on the street. You know nobody will come. So where do you live? Before I change my mind". Aro swallowed his fear and gave his address. 

The man approached him slowly because Aro was adopting a more and more defensive stance, even though he wouldn't be able to do anything about anything. The vampire wrapped one arm around Aro's waist careful not to put too much force, placed Aro's good arm around his shoulder and held it there. He took a tentative first step and Aro followed with a strangled groan. They walked like that, stopping every now and then, leaving a trail of blood behind them and finally they reached Aro's house. 

After an incredibly uncomfortable moment where the stranger had to put his hand in Aro's front pocket for the keys, they were inside and Aro was pulled to his kitchen table and thrown on it in a motion that tried to be gentle but wasn't. Immediately he groaned in pain and tried to sit up. A hand on his chest stopped him and led him to lie down. Aro complied and let out a shaky breath cause the position forced him to straighten his torso, and that stretched the stitches. 

His attacker, now savior, asked him who had sewn him last time and how the hell he could help. “I did it myself. You don’t have to help me”, Aro said  
"Yeah yeah, do you have supplies here?", the man asked. Aro hummed his positive answer and was left to wait as the man went to look for what he needed. He took the opportunity to breathe and calm down. He would be fine, he would survive this, he kept repeating in his head. Sure, this vampire who was now in his house and had him helpless on his goddamn kitchen table, most likely wanted him dead. Chances were, Aro had done something worthy of revenge to him, but he couldn't focus to think what it might have been

The man came back carrying scissors, a needle, the metal-ish string used in stitches, disinfectant, cotton pads and clean bandages. He washed his hands with the antibiotic, drenched a cotton pad with the disinfectant, looked at Aro to let him know he should brace himself and started cleaning the wound. Aro growled and flexed his arms at his sides. He kept his jaw fixed and breathed as little as possible so as not to move.

Once the wound was acceptably clean, he picked up the scissors and cut the first stitch, high on Aro's collar bone. No reaction from the wounded man. He kept going and when he reached Aro's stomach, it was the first time Aro visibly reacted by hissing. On the next cut, the flesh was released and fresh blood escaped. 

The man tried to be quick and meticulous, he had to cut, remove the old string and clean the constantly dirty with new blood area. And Aro wasn't making it easy, he was fidgeting and jerking away.

Finally, after a lot of restless squirming, moans and sobs, all the stitches were out, his torso was as clean as it could get so the just-now-become surgeon disinfected the needle and the string. That curved fucking needle could easily be a torture tool in Aro's opinion and he was very not happy to have it used on him.

The man, ignorant to Aro's hesitation touched the tip on Aro's hipbone and started pressing. At the first 2 stitches Aro didn't feel that bad, but then the needle pierced his lower abdomen and a growl left his mouth. But the man wasn't going to stop. He felt his flesh being pulled from here to there and if his stomach wasn't empty already it would be now. And then, the needle touched his actual stomach and he screamed throwing his hands at the other vampire's in a plea to stop.

He was ignored and his hands were pushed back on the table to hold on for dear life.

At the next stitch he felt himself drifting off. He didn't know where to, possibly hell, definitely not heaven, but who knows maybe he was just falling asleep... 

At the next, which was in the middle of his abdomen he decided he didn't care where he was going, anywhere but here was fine by him. He just had to get something off his chest first. 

His body's temperature was quickly rising, signaling the beginning of a reaction- fever.

He gasped and his voice came out shaky and broken but he didn't give a flying fuck. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry love... I miss you more than anything and I'm sorry." He was delirious, having no grasp on reality, losing more and more ground in his battle for conscience. "I couldn’t keep you then and I can’t keep you now, but god please, don't ever doubt how much I love you- Ahhh!" He was interrupted by a scream that seem to have come from his soul and made his saviour's heart feel something close to sympathy. He had moved up a bit, he was getting closer to the ribs but that in-between part was going to be hell. Aro's words were losing their clarity now, came out slurred and as one word, his foreign accent was now evident and his eyes felt heavy, he had to fight to open them after blinking. 

"I'm sorry I left! I never meant to hurt you! Please... Oh please forgive me... Please, I..." And just like that, he was lost to another world.

The vampire paused for a second, to check if Aro was still breathing. The thought that if he wasn't, it made _him _responsible to find that someone Aro was talking to and pass him his last words, was too heavy for him so he didn't dwell on it.__

____

He kept sewing, faster now, because he didn’t need to be careful not to hurt Aro and he didn't have to deal with him moving all the time. Shortly, he finished. It wasn't a great job, not by far, but it would keep Aro's insides on the inside and that was enough.

He checked Aro's shoulder as well, but he wasn't sure how to deal with that. Surely you're not supposed to sew something in place if it is meant to move. But that one wasn't just deep, it was all the way through. He was sure that if he changed the angle a bit, he could see the table through Aro's shoulder.

He didn't try it though.

He walked to Aro's fridge and got a beer to think how to proceed. He had felt Aro's temperature rising and he could see him sweat even in his sleep. And that delirious outburst was no good either. He decided to screw it, stitch the shoulder on both sides and stay the night.

_He was swimming… The middle of the ocean… The bright sun… A boat barely visible in the distance… No… he wasn’t swimming… He was drowning! Someone was pulling his feet deeper and deeper and he was fighting to stay in the surface… He opened his eyes and stared at the sun. ___

____

A ceiling lamp… Blurred tv noise… He turned his head to the side… An empty bottle of beer… A man… He blinked. 

_\--  
_

_It was sudden, completely out of the blue and earth shattering. They had spent the previous night tangled in sheets, with whispered declarations of love, in Aro’s chamber. Carlisle had left for his room with the first rays of sun, like many other dawns. The morning had passed with nothing out of the ordinary and then, when Aro had returned to his chamber to escape his brothers for a bit, Carlisle came to him._

__

_“Aro, when we first met, do you remember saying I wasn’t a prisoner here?” Aro had turned away from the window he was looking out of to give his mate his full attention “Of course”, he wasn’t sure where Carlisle was trying to get. Carlisle nodded hiding his fear behind fake confidence “I’m leaving”, he stated. Aro couldn’t understand at first. “Where are you going?”. Carlisle took a step back, his confidence crashing like a sand castle “I’m going to the States. And I don’t believe I will be coming back” he whispered the last part and turned to leave, not waiting for Aro’s reaction. As an afterthought he shouted “Promise you will not come looking for me!”. Aro had felt his heart evaporate but he couldn’t take a single step forward. _ > _ _

___ _

____\--_ _ _ _

__

_The ocean again… The boat was closer… The sun was bigger, brighter, it was blinding him. He could only make out a shaky silhouette of a person standing on the boat. He was drowning, the water getting in his lungs, choking him. It burned._

_______ _ _ _

___ _

__  
__  
A toilet… He was vomiting blood and stomach acids… A man cursing… His head felt too heavy...Perhaps he could just rest it for a bit there.  


_\--_

_Carlisle had left within minutes, taking almost nothing with him except for Aro’s heart in his hands. Aro didn’t see him leave, he didn’t even move from his place next to the window until a guard approached to request his presence in the throne room, hours later. He looked at the guard in disbelief and formed half a sentence to excuse himself, walking the distance to close the door. When he turned around to face the room, realisation crept in and he started breaking down. His collar was choking him, so he unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt, he untied the cloak and let it fall to the floor. He felt like his lungs had shrinked and his heart was missing. He had walked to the middle of the room and he looked around, lost._

_Suddenly his door was pushed open and an angry looking Caius marched in throwing accusations and demanding his input on whether or not they should exterminate a troublesome newborn. Aro snapped. “Let him live!” he yelled and jumped to throw a front kick at Caius’ chest, which threw him back and out of the room. He shut his door and slid against it feeling tears finally escape and roll down his face. Carlisle was gone and he wouldn’t come back. And Aro was supposed to live with that._

____

_He spent the entire night frozen in place. His eyes had dried at some point and his mind was numb. He kept thinking, trying to figure out what drove Carlisle away. What he could have done differently and how he could have kept him. He wanted to follow him, he wanted to be with him no matter where but Carlisle’s last words to him echoed in his head loud and devastating. He was holding his face in his hands, his world having ended and he had not a single idea what to do next._

____

_The morning came and he stood up. He would deal with this. He had to._

__

_\--_

_The boat was now next to him… The silhouette still unclear… He was giving up… He was letting himself be pulled… Someone took him out of the water… He was on the boat… Someone helped him remove the water from his lungs… The sun was blinding._

__

__The ceiling of his apartment, the fake laughs of reality tv, the buzzing of his fridge, he was at his house. Alive.__

__

__He sat up confused and disoriented. He had been lying on his living room couch in his underwear and a thick bandage was wrapped around his chest. A man walked in front of him carefully, and tried to get his attention. Aro looked at him._ _

__“Oh there you are! Finally! I had been calling your name for a solid minute now. How do you feel?”_ _

__Aro blinked and tried to remember. A fight. Pain. Blood. The ocean? No that couldn’t be right. They were miles away from the closest coast.“I’m alright” he said and his voice was rasped and abused.  
_ _

____“Yeah I bet. Since you survived last night, there was nothing else to be but better”  
Aro considered that for a moment, he didn’t understand.  


__“I thought you were gonna die. You were burning in fever, you were delirious. Probably had some hallucinations as well. You screamed a lot. I don’t know why. And at some point you just went quiet. And that’s when I thought you were gone. You had made your peace and let go. But here you are!_ _

__Aro was lightheaded and the way this man talked didn’t help him. All loud and fast as if someone was chasing him. He stood up, swaying to find his balance and the man supported him. He walked to the bathroom to splash some water on his face. _Someone took him out of the water.__ _

______

___He walked back to the living room to meet his saviour. The man rushed to explain that he had raided his alcohol supply, mostly the beer and hoped that was okay. Upon seeing him, Aro knelt in front of him and stretched his arms forward, as much as his shoulder allowed him, palms facing up._ _ _

____“Thank you. I owe you my life. Please accept my humble gratitude, as I commit to repay the help”_ _ _ _

____The man was left with his jaw hanging open. He would never expect Aro fucking Volturi that modest and respectful and towards him, especially. He fidgeted in his seat._ _ _ _

_____ _

______“Nah, don’t mention it. I mean, I was the one responsible for putting your life so close to the end anyway.”  
Aro didn’t say anything to that.  
“Alright, you’re welcome, I guess. Get off your knees.”  


__Aro nodded and stood up to return to the bathroom and clean himself as much as possible, without getting in the shower and ruining the new bandages._ _

__

_____ _

__


	10. This is Part One because the chapter ended up being too long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so yeah this was supposed to be one chapter but it turned out way too long so I split it in two. here's part one.
> 
> ps. i have never written porn before so it will probably be bad

As leader, Carlisle stayed last, made sure there was no unfinished business. He watched his family leave in pairs, with Esme being the last one. She had made sure he had eaten and his beard was not out of control.

 

It wasn't an easy task, given that Carlisle could spend days lying on the sofa or the floor or the bed with his phone in his hand, expecting a call or message or anything, not talking or moving or showing any will to live.

 

And one day that he seemed to be decently okay, she packed a suitcase. He offered to drive her to wherever but she refused and gave him a tender kiss on the forehead. "Thank you for everything." He stayed silent, confused until she removed her wedding ring and gave it to him. "Now make _your _peace". And so, she left him on the front door with no floor below his feet.__

__

__He stayed on the steps on his porch for hours because he just couldn't bear being alone in an empty house. He lost himself in his thoughts and realised a little too late that a wolf was approaching him. If that was meant to be an attack, Carlisle would be no more._ _

__

__But it was just Jacob. He shifted back to human, walked in Carlisle's house to fetch himself some pants, which was really an everyday occurrence by now, and then joined the miserable vamp on the porch._ _

__

__"Thought you'd all be gone by now" he said and Carlisle just shrugged. Jacob knew enough of his situation to be able to see when Carlisle was in a bad place. And right now he was. "When are you gonna go find him?"_ _

__

__Carlisle didn't make eye contact as he answered. "He doesn't want me to."_ _

__

__They had had that talk a million times it seemed, and Carlisle didn't want to believe there could be more to the truth. And he couldn't bear to get hurt again. Being rejected by your soulmate was reason enough to kill yourself. Being rejected twice…_ _

__

__Jake changed the subject in an attempt to distract the vamp. "You shouldn't be out here. I bet you didn't hear us, but there is someone new in the area and they could be dangerous"._ _

__

_Good, they might end my misery,_ Carlisle's mind provided helpfully but he nodded anyway to reassure Jacob he'd keep that in mind. He opened his palm and showed Jacob the item of his attention, Esme's ring. "Oh dude... That's rough" Carlisle nodded again, not quite trusting his voice not to break. 

Jacob let a few moments pass trying to pick a subject that wouldn’t explode in his face, and then suddenly he remembered one of the reasons why they picked this month to leave, was because Carlisle was not actually an American citizen and he was obligated to leave the States after a few years. "When are you supposed to leave?", he asked. Carlisle took a breath and looked upwards to the top of the trees "Monday". 

____ _ _

_Shit,_ Jake thought. It was Thursday already. Suddenly, he realised, if _he_ didn't help Carlisle book a plane ticket and make a bag, Carlisle just wouldn’t do it. He stood up and pulled Carlisle up by his arm. He didn't protest, and that scared Jacob. 

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________There was something frightening in seeing the strongest, smartest, most resourceful vampire you knew, being lost, hurt and compliant._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jacob dragged them both inside, dumped Carlisle on the sofa and turned Carlisle's laptop on. He browsed ticket sites and tried to involve the doctor more._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Okay, man I know you may not feel like doing anything right now but you gotta figure out where you'll go.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Carlisle made himself comfortable on the sofa, and buried his head in the pillows. He had thought about that a lot, but Jake gave him time nonetheless. He fought a bit with himself, his heart literally begging 'Italy' and his mind disagreeing 'anywhere but Italy'. He always thought with his mind, and it usually worked out well for everyone. But this would be about him and only him. His decisions and actions would only affect him. The times he listened to his heart, he got it shredded to dust. And the heart never fully heals. Right now it was held together with lies and Sellotape. But the heart is impossibly stubborn and it wouldn't let him be, even if it gets teared apart once again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He had known he had hurt his mate so many years ago, he just didn't know to what extent. And now that Aro told him, Carlisle believed maybe he deserved all of the heartbreak. It would only be fair if Carlisle gave himself to Aro and let him decide what to do with him. If Aro told Carlisle to leave him alone, he would do that, possibly by sending himself off straight to Hades’ kingdom, but the tiny chance there was where Aro said yes, was worth all the risk and all the worry Carlisle was submitting himself to right now. "Italy" he finally said and didn't see the smile that spread on Jake's lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________\--_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________So Carlisle pushed and pulled himself to Volterra and entered the palace, ignorant to the curious and sad looks the guards were giving him. He held himself together in front of the two leaders and was disappointed when he was given a non specific answer to Aro's whereabouts. He was stopped on his way out by Demetri who whispered something vague about France._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________If Carlisle knew Aro at all, then he knew Aro would be in Nice so he set his sails for there. He scanned the city with all his senses on high alert and narrowed down the entire city to one street. He decided on the house, approached the door and raised his fist to knock._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Exhaustion overtook him and now that he was close to his mate, he could calm down enough to sleep, right? As he waited a high pitched screeching in his ears was getting louder and louder and he felt his head swim in drowsiness. Every step that brought Aro closer to the door was an amplified bass drum and Carlisle felt himself leaning to the door and his eyes dropping. Aro opened the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Carlisle met his eye swallowed by hope and was only met with surprise. He relaxed and finally ceased his fight against unconsciousness. He fell in Aro's embrace, who couldn't hold him and let him slide down slowly. _Great, I love surprises_ Aro thought and sighed because he had his mate asleep at his feet and he couldn't carry him inside. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He picked up Carlisle's bag first and brought it in the living room before returning to him. He decided Carlisle was worth the pain of pushing his scar so he picked him up partly and gave up halfway through the hallway. Damn, Carlisle was heavier than he looked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He fetched a pillow for Carlisle and settled right next to his sleeping mate._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He didn’t intend to but he was unprepared for the contact and when he fell, he heard Carlisle’s mind. From the day Aro left Carlisle having stolen his heart and holding it in his hands, the doc hadn't slept for a minute.4 months. 4 sleepless months because his mind wouldn't shut up and the half of his heart that remained wouldn't slow down. One second in his mate's presence and he was out like a candle stick. This would take a while, Aro thought._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________\--_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Carlisle started shifting awake 19 hours later and the first thing he saw was Aro smiling at him from above. And damn if that didn’t bring back memories... "Rise and shine" Aro said and chuckled when Carlisle groaned his way to a sitting position, leaning his back against the wall, mimicking Aro. Yeah, the floor was never a very comfortable place to sleep but it has always been Carlisle’s favourite._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Two whole minutes passed and the awkward silence had grown into a living entity, before Carlisle tamed his fear of being kicked out and dared to speak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I- I like the hair”, he commented quietly, almost scared but his entire being was uplifted when Aro chuckled. “Thanks, it was not by my decision.”, he said in a light tone and passed his hand through his new _fuckboy_ hair. Carlisle followed the movement with his eyes clearly wanting to try it for himself. 

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The question of “Why are you here?” never left Aro’s lips but Carlisle felt the need to answer it anyway._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Listen, I am here to tell you that I am sorry about… everything.-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Okay stop.” Aro interrupted “Before you start a monologue, I accidentally saw your mind, well, parts of it, and all I need an answer for is ‘Why now?’”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Why now what? Why I came to find you? Why I realised I want us to try again? What did you see? I am not always following what my mind says, please don’t believe my treacherous thoughts_. Carlisle thought but didn’t answer. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Aro should probably add that his vision was blurry because his hands were rough and calloused. He had to take care of himself in a more vital way and didn’t have time or purpose for keeping his hands sensitive enough to properly see like he used to. But he didn’t say it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The silence seemed to like them today because once again her presence was tangible, as Carlisle was fighting his paranoia and Aro was just waiting._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Suddenly Carlisle was struck by the heat radiating from Aro’s body. His breathing got harder and deeper and Aro's scent flooded his senses. His dick started getting hard and he closed his eyes to ground himself. God, he wanted this... He wanted this when he kissed that guy in the bar, he wanted this when Aro broke the spell, he wanted this every single day since he fell out of love with Esme. But right now, Carlisle hoped. He hoped that Aro had missed him as much and that Aro felt the charged atmosphere around them suffocate him as well. 'Cause Carlisle had riled himself up so much, that if Aro didn't touch him he would go skydiving without the parachute._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Aro finally translated Carlisle's body language and abruptly stood up. Carlisle followed in perfect synchronization, panicked that Aro would deny him. "No please! I need you so much..." He crowded Aro to the wall but didn't touch him. He leaned forward with his eyes closed and breathed in slowly. Aro who, in all truth, has always wanted Carlisle had gone rock hard even at the suggestion, and seeing him talk like that..._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Carlisle took that as apprehension and feeling like he would explode internally, started lowering himself to his knees. Aro stopped breathing and Carlisle was eye level with his groin. "Please let me have you... I'll make it good I promise... Just... Please..." He looked up, knowing full well that he must look desperate, and so filled with lust it was embarrassing. Aro, nodded frantically. Carlisle immediately sighed and leaned forward to press his face to Aro's groin. His hands shot up and circled the back of Aro's legs, while he pressed the side of his open mouthed face on Aro's pants. Finally, he reached to the front and pulled down his sweatpants as he looked up to check that Aro was still on board. Aro had grounded his hands on the wall behind him, and Carlisle, not knowing if that was a one time thing, decided he wanted it to last._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He mouthed at the fabric of Aro's underwear and when Aro left a sealed-lipped moan escape him, his own cock twitched in his prison. Carlisle reached his hands up under Aro's shirt to touch his skin and at the same time, he pulled his tongue out to feel his mate's length. His fingers passed over not smooth skin, something that felt like a healed cut and Carlisle momentarily looked up but didn't stop what he was doing. When the fabric was adequately wet and Aro's breath had become quick, Carlisle removed the underwear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He moaned at the sight and a stream of "I want you in my mouth-please-can I have you" left his lips before he could consent to saying the words. Aro nodded and Carlisle moaned. Dammit, he was so close to coming, and he hadn't so much as looked at his own cock yet. He licked a stripe to Aro's cock, starting from the base and going all the way up to the tip. Aro shuddered and groaned in anticipation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Carlisle kissed Aro's cock at the very base. God, he missed this. He moved up a bit and pressed another kiss. How could he have forgotten so? _Kiss_. How long since they last slept together? _Kiss_. Too long. He reached the tip and the he sucked a bit after the last kiss, effectively causing Aro to moan. Damn, he was gonna cum in his pants by _giving_ a blowjob. 

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________He didn't move away after showing his affection, but instead he started moving down, swallowing more of his Aro’s cock. Aro then nearly screamed and his left hand abandoned the wall it was using for support and tangled itself in Carlisle's hair. Carlisle tilted his head towards the hand, savoring the attention and hummed. Aro tightened his grip because of the vibrations and that did it for Carlisle. He moaned desperately and thrusted his hips into thin air and came untouched in his pants like a goddamn 15 year old._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Aro somewhere in the back of his mind recognised this as a sign that his mate might be just a _little_ bit touch starved, but he couldn’t focus on it. 

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Carlisle’s tongue didn't let up as he was riding his high. He let his tongue tease the head, pressing to the slit and then moving down all the way to the base and sucking in earnest, Aro's tip hitting the back of his throat. His hands had claimed home somewhere on Aro's ruined stomach and when Aro warned him he was close, he only sucked harder. Aro reached his climax abruptly and in his lost mind, he thrust forward, something he was trying really hard not to do while Carlisle was deepthroating him. And now Carlisle was choking and had to pull back, which resulted in painting his face in Aro's cum. He didn't mind one bit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Aro did though, and came down his high sooner than Carlisle would have liked, with an apologetic expression on his face. He knelt down to wipe at Carlisle's face stumbling over his words and mixing apologies. Carlisle wasn't sorry, and he showed that by leaning forward and stealing a kiss. Aro shut up immediately and blinked several times. Carlisle repeated the action and was glad to meet a response. Aro was kissing him back, hesitant at first but quickly gaining courage. Hands reached out to explore well known, but missed territory and Carlisle felt the beginning of arousal in the pit of his stomach, again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________He pushed Aro to the wall with his full body and reached around him to get a hold of his ass. He lifted them both up and held Aro up, not allowing his feet to touch the floor. That way, Aro was forced to wrap them around his waist to keep balance and Carlisle exploited the opportunity to let Aro know he wanted more, by thrusting his hips forward._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Aro surprised, pulled back from their kiss and his back hit the wall, exposing his full body to Carlisle. The blond wasted exactly zero time to attach his lips to Aro's neck and kiss his way to his pulse point, where he sucked and licked hard. Aro moaned and his own dick was getting more and more interested by the second. Carlisle all the while thrusting minutely, moved his lips lower, to Aro's collar bone. Where his bitemark was. And he kissed the mark so softly Aro wanted to cry. "I want you..." Carlisle whispered and did not go unanswered. Aro growled and pulled them back from the wall so Carlisle could move them to the bedroom._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Carlisle lowered Aro softly and settled between his legs, never moving his lips away from the other man for longer than 2 seconds. Aro unbuckled Carlisle's belt and hooked his fingers on the belt loops to hold onto something ‘cause Carlisle never ceased thrusting and it was maddening. He got annoyed with his pants and removed them in one motion, revealing his radioactive green?! underwear, that were ruined now. Aro laughed and threw his head back, as far as the bed would allow him. "Shut up" Carlisle told him and captured his lips for good measure. Aro kept giggling in the kiss and a smile spread on Carlisle's own lips. He kissed his lips, his cheeks, his jaw, his neck playfully and let his hands wander._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________He changed their position so that he was stradling Aro’s lap and leaned down to steal a few more kisses. Aro figured out what Carlisle had in mind and moved his hands to softly touch the blond’s face as he tried to talk in between the kisses._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“No no wait- I don’t have- any lube”, he managed to say and Carlisle let them both have some air. He leaned his forehead on Aro’s and cursed in his mind because sure they were both horny right now, but they weren’t insane to try and do this without any kind of lubricant._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Carlisle lifted himself off Aro with a groan and got out of bed. He threw on a shirt he found in the room, put on his trousers after picking them up and in a few seconds he was out of the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Aro sighed loudly and pressed his hands to his face to try and think more clearly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	11. Part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have this silly headcanon that Aro's favourite pet name to call Carlisle is "sugar" in many different languages. Carlisle probably just answers to any word spoken in "that" tone from Aro even if he doesn't know what language it is. Right now Aro has settled on "sucro"

 

\---

Carlisle had literally ran to the closest corner store and gotten the first bottle of lube he saw, eager to just return to Aro but oh no, the goddamn cashier had other plans and when he saw Carlisle had only got lube he got all chatty.  
“Damn man. You look like you’re in a rush”, he joked and Carlisle smiled out of politeness. “Is your girl waiting for ya, huh? You got her all worked up an ready and then realised you got no lube? She must be desperate right now.” Carlisle just wanted to leave and saw the cashier was moving to accept his bill so he made it quick.  
“Actually it’s a “he”. You can keep the change” he deadpanned and left.

\--

That goddamn idiot had ruined his mood and he opened the door half annoyed half angry but it all disappeared with his first step in, and his first glance towards the kitchen. Aro was there, fully dressed, his back towards Carlisle and his attention focused on something in front of him. Judging by the smell of coffee that clouded the house, that must be what Aro was doing. Carlisle closed the door behind him and took small tentative steps.

“You still take your coffee with no sugar?”, Aro asked him and Carlisle hummed his positive answer as he was approaching. Aro never turned to face him and busied himself with pouring the heavenly drink into cups. Carlisle had come up right behind him and wrapped his arms around Aro in a loose embrace, his forearms resting on Aro’s hipbones. Aro froze for a second, he breathed out and finished putting the milk cream on top of their cups. Carlisle moved his hands to the front of Aro’s hips and lowered his head to his back. Aro placed both of his hands on the counter to keep steady. He wanted to lean back to the embrace so bad he was vibrating.

But he didn’t. 

Instead he asked “What changed?”

Carlisle sighed before admitting he didn’t know. “I _can_ tell you that you never were out of my mind for more than a few very hectic days. I _can_ tell you, that in my first few years in the States all I could think about was you. And I _can_ tell you that some days… I missed you too much. Even when Esme was there.” Carlisle was almost whispering this, with his face hidden between Aro’s shoulder blades.

Aro moved his hands from the counter to place them on top of Carlisle’s on his hipbones. He gently tried to disentangle himself without making it seem like he was rejecting what he heard and Carlisle took a step back to give him space to move, obviously already assuming exactly what Aro tried to avoid. Aro turned to face him but Carlisle had decided not to dwell on it.  
“Did they send you away?”, he asked quickly, folding his arms out of habit before realising it was a very defensive stance and unfolding them again. He was here because he wanted them to figure this out. If he heard things he didn’t like he would just deal with it.

“No, I left because I wanted to.” Aro said and Carlisle nodded. “That is the story I will tell, because in reality, yes, they did send me away”, Aro continued more quietly. Carlisle’s attitude changed then dramatically. He knew how much Aro valued his coven, and even though he was one of the leaders he craved their acceptance.

And they had cast him out. Carlisle made to get closer to Aro and suddenly remembered, how when he touched Aro’s skin he felt a scar on his stomach, and stopped dead in his tracks, connecting point A to point B. Full on worry he asked, “Will you let me see?”

Aro raised his eyebrows surprised, and removed his t-shirt in one swift motion.

Carlisle stood still, his expert eyes taking in the damage, feeling pain somewhere behind his lungs, because he knew this was partly his fault. This scar was made to humiliate Aro and as much as he was trying not to let it offend him, it did. Carlisle reached a hand out and met Aro’s eye as he approached, to estimate how on board Aro was. His fingertips barely touched Aro’s skin and he took a deep breath ready for the pain, but Carlisle’s hand moved so lightly alongside the scar it only made the hairs there raise. Carlisle’s hand stopped when it reached the hem of Aro’s pants even though it was clear the scar went on lower. 

_He must be so starved, if he really didn’t notice it before_ , Aro thought and decided to test the theory. He raised one hand and caressed the side of Carlisle’s face before tangling it in his hair. All his attention was focused on the miniscule changes in Carlisle’s face as he felt him lean to the touch unconsciously. Carlisle blinked slowly and flicked his tongue to wet his lips but before he could say anything Aro started playing a game he knew he would win.

“Sucro, if it’s just sex that you want, say it”, he challenged and Carlisle’s body responded instinctively and rushed all his blood to his groin. Carlisle had not heard that pet name in forever and the tiny spark of hope he was trying not to let flourish was now out of his control.

“No, no that is not-” he stumbled over his words because Aro was roaming his hands all over Carlisle’s body. Aro grabbed a hold of his ass and pushed his hips forward at the same time effectively making the blond moan “Are you sure?”, he asked and moved his head to nibble on Carlisle’s throat. Carlisle fisted his hands on Aro’s shirt, leaning his neck back to give him better access.

Aro sucked and licked his way downwards Carlisle’s neck and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt in the meantime. When he reached his bite mark on the blond’s collarbone he let his fangs slide out and grazed them over it to tease him. He kissed and sucked on it but didn’t break the skin. He wanted Carlisle to ask for it.

After a few more moments where Carlisle was practically helplessly thrusting his hips and roaming his hands on Aro’s back he started begging “Aro come on...Please.. Aro bite me..” and only then Aro bit down. Carlisle moaned loudly and Aro smiled to the sound before letting up and finally giving Carlisle space to move. The blond pressed their lips together and forced his tongue into the other’s mouth, the taste of his own blood turning him on more than he admits.

He pushed them towards the approximate direction of the bedroom, grabbing the bottle of lube form the table next to the door in the process, from where he had left it when he had come back from the store, coffee completely forgotten.

Carlisle pushed Aro on the bed and crawled over him but before he had managed to settle between his legs, Aro flipped them over and was now on top. A cocky smile on his lips as he trapped Carlisle’s hips under him and thus stopping him from moving. He bent down to shower the blond’s body with kisses as the latter kept trying to thrust up. Carlisle was whisper-moaning non stop but Aro took his sweet sweet time making sure the blond was efficiently covered with hickeys that wouldn’t last.

Carlisle was enjoying all that attention thoroughly, but quickly it became not nearly enough. He pushed his hips up with enough force to throw Aro off balance and took the opportunity to get back on top, straddling Aro’s lap and finally in a position where he could get where he wanted to. He attacked the other’s lips, because he had already missed them, and bit Aro’s lower lip, without fangs. He unbuttoned his own pants and looked at Aro trusting he wouldn’t flip them over again as he lifted himself up a bit to remove both his trousers and underwear. Aro undid his own and when Carlisle lowered himself down again, they both moaned in relief from the skin on skin contact.

Carlisle slowed his thrusting as much as he could and took hold of the bottle of lube. Aro instantly grabbed it, “I’ll do it” he said and squirted a generous amount on his hand. He spread it as best as he could and reached behind Carlisle with both hands. Carlisle placed his hands on Aro’s sides to keep balance and tried to relax. Aro squeezed his butt and slowly reached his index finger to massage the tight ring of muscle. Carlisle sucked in a breath through his teeth which made Aro stop any further potential moves and look at him with concern. “I’m fine, I’m fine, keep going”, Carlisle gritted with his jaw shut tight.

 

Aro raised himself to a sitting position and readjusted Carlisle on top of him. He moved one hand to caress Carlisle’s stomach and catching his lips in his own, he wrapped his cock in a loose fist and jerked him a few times just to get him to relax. He pressed in again and Carlisle had to pull back from the kiss to breathe. He leaned his forehead to Aro’s and relaxed his muscles, letting the finger slip inside him. He exhaled loudly and gripped Aro’s hair in his fists.

“Sucro, maybe we should try another position”, Aro suggested with some hesitation because he knew _this _one was Carlisle’s favourite, but Carlisle dismissed the idea quickly. “No keep going.”, he said and emphasized his point by grinding down on the digit inside of him.__

__Aro started moving again, caressing the blond’s body and pumping his finger in and out, not too carefully. He trusted Carlisle to stop him if he went too fast but the latter only moaned and murmured “More” and “Faster” to urge him on. Soon Aro had another finger in and Carlisle had got comfortable enough for him to try and search for his prostate. He tilted his wrist some more and crooked his fingers just so and suddenly Carlisle’s entire body stiffened as he threw his head back and moaned loudly. Aro sucked hard on his exposed neck and spread his fingers to open him as much as he could._ _

__When Carlisle managed to recompose himself somewhat he started grinding down in a rhythmic way “Okay, I’m okay. I want you” he said. Aro thrust a few more times to be certain Carlisle was relaxed enough and removed his fingers. The blond missed him already and wrapped his hand around his own cock while Aro poured some more lube on his hand and spread it on his cock. Carlisle supported his weight on his knees and when he felt the tip of Aro’s cock on his entrance he raised his arms to use Aro’s shoulder as extra support and he slowly lowered himself down._ _

__Aro shut his eyes, desperately trying not to thrust up as Carlisle was going inch by goddamn inch._ _

__When Carlisle was finally fully seated he wrapped his hands in Aro’s hair and kissed him to get his attention. Aro looked at the blond and all his hesitation vanished in a second, being replaced with a strong dose of lust that went straight to his cock. Carlisle’s fangs were out. Never, absolutely for no reason does he let his fangs slip out, except for when he can’t control it. Aro pushed up and Carlisle moaned._ _

__The blond got the message and lifted himself up only to slide back down setting a rhythm that was just too slow for them both. “God, Aro I missed you” he moaned and ground his hips sharply. “Come on, touch me” he thrust forward as much as he could to get Aro to pay some attention to his neglected cock. Aro wrapped one fist just around the head of Carlisle’s cock and jerked him fast for a second before sliding down all the way to the base and repeating the motions a few times._ _

__Carlisle could not decide whether he wanted to thrust forward into Aro’s fist more or back on his cock and then Aro relieved him of that sweet torture by taking his hand off. The slow rhythm and Carlisle’s moans left him wanting more. He once again flipped them over so he was on top and spread Carlisle’s legs as wide as he could. Carlisle was left breathless and honestly, he didn’t really mind the change in position._ _

__Aro thrust in, setting his own quick and sharp rhythm rendering the blond a moaning mess. “I wonder, has anyone else made you feel like this?”, he asked and punctuated the question with a sharp thrust dead on his prostate. “NO! There’s no one-” Carlisle tried to say but Aro kept on hitting his spot “Sorry, what was that?”, Aro teased him but took pity on the poor blond who had arched his back in ecstasy so much it ought to hurt. He slowed down and aimed away from Carlisle’s prostate. “There has never been anyone but you” Carlisle admitted panting and writhing underneath Aro._ _

__“Don’t lie to me” Aro said and wrapped his hand around Carlisle’s cock pumping him in a much slower rhythm than he was thrusting, but the result was exactly what Aro wanted. Carlisle let out a long moan and wrapped his legs around Aro’s waist, locking him in place. His one hand grabbed Aro’s wrist to try and take the hand off while the other grabbed the sheets of the bed in desperation, whimpering “I’m- I’m not- I’m not lying” and Aro momentarily paused shocked to hear that._ _

__He adapted his thrusts to be more gentle and took off his hand from Carlisle’s cock as he leaned down to kiss him. Carlisle sighed in relief, wrapped his hands around him and pushed back to every single thrust._ _

__It was almost sweet for a minute, but then Aro caught a scent of Esme. Which was completely natural since Carlisle had spent nearly a century with her, but it just infuriated him._ _

__Aro disentangled himself from the embrace and changed the angle he was thrusting at, slowing down even more. Carlisle opened his eyes and tried to read his mate’s intent. Aro was thrusting long and slow and just the right way so Carlisle would get on the edge of ecstasy but wouldn’t be able to fall over it. Very quickly all Carlisle could do was fist the bed sheets with both hands and moan like a whore. “Was _she_ a better fuck?” Aro asked a bit annoyed but he wouldn’t last long himself, he too was getting close. Carlisle’s brain short-circuited and he failed to understand the question as he was so, so close... _ _

__

____But Aro needed an answer to that, so he fisted Carlisle’s cock and jerked fast and to the point, “Tell me!” he demanded again. Carlisle moaned and arched his back “No! It’s you, it’s only you” he shouted and Aro flicked his thumb over the head of his cock just a few times satisfied with the answer and Carlisle was gone. He was calling Aro’s name as he shot semen all over Aro’s fist riding his high. He brought his own hand to guide Aro’s over his cock for these last moments. Aro felt him squeeze around him and knew he was gone as well. “Tell me again”, he asked and quickly pulled out to jerk himself. A mix of “It’s only ever been you” in many variations left Carlisle’s breathless mouth and Aro finished with a moan, completing the work of art on the blond’s body._ _ _ _

__

____When Aro came down from his high he immediately collapsed and tried to catch his breath next to Carlisle who had thrown his head back trying to do the same._ _ _ _

__


	12. Small talk

“Do you really believe we can work?”, Aro asked after a long time, once they had both come down. Carlisle kept staring at the ceiling as he answered “I do. Back then, we couldn’t have, our dynamic was just too odd. But we are both different now.”  
“I, for one have not changed that much, if that’s what you’re counting on. I still am selfish, self involved and egoistic. I still believe myself to be above everyone else. I still have a crooked moral compass. None of that has changed.”

“Well, I have changed. I dropped the self-righteous idealistic cause. I got over my “daddy issues”, I overcame my fear of dying.” the blond admitted. Aro let the moment go as he had nothing to say. 

“Um… Could I use the shower?” Carlisle asked after a second which made Aro chuckle, because he knew exactly why Carlisle wanted to shower. He made a vague gesture and Carlisle sat up with a slight groan. He made his way to the bathroom.

\---

When he walked out he found a pair of clothes lying on the bed and smiled at the gesture. He put them on and went looking for his mate. 

Aro was leaning on the counter, his phone in one hand and a tall glass with a straw filled with iced coffee on the other. Carlisle was frozen for a second from the scene. Aro didn’t lift his eyes from the screen as he was typing something when he motioned with the other hand towards a second glass next to him, which was obviously for Carlisle. “It grew cold, so why not make it a freddo?” he explained and the blond slowly approached with a tiny ghost of a smile.

He took a sip. He wasn’t sure if circling around the point would be a better approach but he knew for sure being straightforward would be appreciated. “We need to build trust on each other, if we want to make it work. We need to re-learn each other, and we need to be honest.” , he said. Aro responded way too quickly “Alright, I’ll start. How long has it been?” and shut his phone at the same time.

Carlisle sighed, not really surprised that that was what Aro wanted to know first. “Two years since we called an end to it. So...two years.” , he admitted. Aro took a long sip from his straw while looking Carlisle in the eye. “Are you aware that you _can_ in fact take care of yourself?” he asked with a goofy smile. Carlisle part uncomfortable, part annoyed but obligated to be honest said “You think I haven’t tried? My..fingers are... not long enough”. And Aro laughed for a solid minute.

Okay, now they could move on to more serious issues, Carlisle thought.

\--

It didn’t come off naturally and flowing. There were moments spent in silence that sometimes extended to hours that they had nothing to say and nothing to ask. Aro had wrapped a clean bandage around his chest because physical activity almost always resulted in the scar tearing up in some parts. Carlisle had talked on the phone with Jasper, finally informed about his and Alice’s whereabouts. With Aro, it wasn’t so much a conversation as small stories they exchanged from their lives. 

\---

“I don’t like the States.” Aro said. “I’ve lost many people to the States, in many different time periods. With the first inquisitions to America, I sent some guards, high ranking guards to have a better view of the situation. Every single one of them claimed they were not coming back to Europe. More people followed them to the New World, and some I have not seen since then. Decades later Eleazar told me he was leaving the palace without a settled destination, because he wanted to explore himself. He promised he would be back if I requested his presence but he wouldn’t stay. And soon after that, he informed me he was going to settle in the New World. And then, a few years later, you came… and left.”

\--

“During my first few years in America, I could not keep a job for the life of me.” Carlisle said with a fond smile. “I had only once worked for a salary before and I found it extremely challenging. Which, consequently meant I could not afford to study at university. I kept moving cities, States, changing jobs so maybe I could keep one and put myself in uni to study something I wanted. I worked in construction at some point, if you believe it or not.”

\--  
“Your first meeting with Eleazar was not by chance. When you stopped writing me, I asked him to find you. Gave him your name and a pretty decent description and he succeeded. He informed me that you had been living with the Denalis’ at that time. I got _so_ jealous that moment. Because they are beautiful and smart and… _not men_. And they were there with you, and I was not.” Aro said, obviously still annoyed.

Carlisle laughed at Aro’s frown. “If it makes you feel any better, nothing ever happened between us, and I was actually very scared of them at first.”

\---

After a few stories Carlisle decided the ice was broken enough for him to ask why Aro had gotten so much thinner.  
“Food is not that easy to find when you are actively trying not to kill the mortal.”, Aro simply replied, looking up from his laptop. He had recently joined twitter, much to Carlisle’s surprise, and was trying to find more interesting people to follow and acquire a better understanding of the platform.

Carlisle thought about what that comment insinuated and smiled. “Are you sure the white powder in the bathroom has nothing to do with it?”, he asked nonetheless.  
Aro raised his eyebrows in a challenge, “It makes healing faster, you know that, doctor”, he said.  
“It starves you”, Carlisle replied seriously.  
“It makes. Healing. Faster.” Aro said again and Carlisle could only imagine just how much it hurt to force Aro risk addiction. It is just too easy for vampires to get addicted, because the “high” they get from intoxication is so much more intense. “I only used it until the wound closed up somewhat.”, Aro continued.

Carlisle stood in front of him and, hesitantly tilted his head to the side, offering Aro to drink from him. Aro moved the laptop from where he had been resting it on his legs, and stood to meet the blond. He searched his eyes for confirmation, and Carlisle leaned even further to the side, exposing his spotless neck to the vampire who obviously needed it. 

It was not a very common practice among vampires. Mostly because the effect didn’t last long and it was quite exhausting for the vampire who was being drunk from. Plus, absolute trust between the two vampires was essential, because the neck is a weak spot for vampires.

Aro pecked Carlisle’s lips before letting his fangs slide out and biting carefully.

\---

And when the sun fell, Carlisle felt safer to talk.  
“I don’t know if you remember this, but back then people were insanely good at finding people.”, he started.

_After he was bitten, Carlisle had lingered in London for some time, trying to end his life and at the same time, accidentally learning more about himself. It was in London when he realised animal blood worked. But when he gathered enough trust in his abilities he left, making sure no one would know and the closest place he could go was France. He spent about a year and a half on the outskirts, barely daring to go near society. And then he heard about the Sorbonne University, and he felt the need to try and get in. There were many problems with the idea, and a pretty big one was that he didn’t have any money. And nobody would hire him to work for them._

“Truth be told, I did look absolutely savage, with torn and dirty clothes, a wild beard, an edge to my interactions. But you know what they say, the sea accepts all. And so, I worked as a..sailor? just for a few months.”

_His employer had taken him in his house, cleaned him ,dressed him and gave him work on his ships. Carlisle quickly picked up on what he should do, but he had pleaded never to go on an actual travel. He’d rather work in maintenance._

“It was a good few months.”, Carlisle said and braced himself for the rest of the story. “And then two kids came running my way. They had been paid to find the blond Brit who lived in France. That was their only piece of information and still, they found me. They had news for me, they said. My father had fallen ill and would pass soon. What could I do? I may strongly dislike him but he was my father, after all. I left two days later, went back home.”

_Carlisle walked the all too familiar streets of London, scared, hesitant, with everything in him screaming to leave immediately. He was not welcome here. Still he walked, with his head held high._

_He passed the square where he had pulled the trigger, all those years ago. He passed the church where his father used to preach, and a weird mix of hatred and longing overcame him. He hadn’t gone to church since he was turned. He doubted he would be able to enter, and he didn’t want to try. But he had missed it. He had grown up to the music of hymns and prayers and he had abandoned them all too suddenly. He wanted to listen to the word of God again, yet he kept walking._

_He reached his old home. He could hear there were three people inside. His father, a doctor and a nurse probably. He did not want to go in. He did not want to see his father. He did not want his father to see him. Yet he opened the door and walked the wooden floors...with his head held high._

_The nurse was making a medicine that would help the old priest with his horrible coughing. Carlisle greeted her politely, introduced himself and walked to his father’s room. The doctor stood up, immediately recognising the boy. How could he not? Carlisle was almost an exact copy of his father. He motioned that the man was sleeping and urged them both outside. The doctor informed the blond of the situation and advised him to completely discard any hope. His father would pass later that day, or highly improbable, the next morning. Before the doctor finished talking Carlisle’s father had awoken and called for the nurse._

_Carlisle followed her inside the room slowly and his father looked at him infuriated as he was gulping down the drink. “What are you doing here?”, he asked and the nurse rushed to leave them alone. She joined the doctor in the small living room who tried not to listen to their conversation._

_“I was called to come. I was told you fell ill”, Carlisle said overly aware of his father’s heart beat rising._  
_“Why are you alive? We burned the entire castle down!”, his father spit out and coughed violently right after. Carlisle did not back down yet, he kept eye contact but did not answer. “You look well” his father said after a moment and it caught Carlisle by surprise so much that he dropped his defenses for a moment.  
“Did you find some rich cock to feed you? You demon!” he shouted and Carlisle looked down at that and murmured half a sentence quietly but his father wasn’t listening. “You are no son of mine, you hear? You are going to rot in hell, you man sleeping whore! Get out of my house, demon!” the old priest was yelling, and sat up to reach for the wooden cross on his bedside table. He started coughing fiercely and spat blood at his son’s feet. The doctor and the nurse rushed to the dying man and Carlisle backed out slowly as the priest was shouting “I have no son! I have no son!”. He stood next to the room, listening as the healers tried to make his father a bit more comfortable. He exhaled deeply and rest his head to the wall behind his head, fighting both his thirst and his aching chest._

_The priest died late at night, and the doctor wished life upon the blond on his way out, with a promise he would send for the gravemakers. Carlisle thanked him and the nurse, as they all pretended they heard nothing._

_Carlisle waited outside his house for the grave maker to come._

_The funeral was arranged for two days later and so many people attended it. Carlisle was extremely aware of the looks of some people who remembered. Some even asked him how he had escaped the monastery, to which he played the fool and only said “What monastery?” and left the conversation on the spot. He knew he had given a very bad impression when he refused to stand and talk about his father, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t find any good words to say, and you shouldn’t speak foul of the dead, so he decided not saying anything was better.  
He took care of the whole cost of the funeral himself because he didn’t want to owe anything to anyone. He didn’t plan on ever coming back to this city._

_And when all that was over, for the third time in his short life, he felt like he needed a new beginning, once again. He set his sails for Italy._

 

“It was a bad time for me when we met”, Carlisle said.  
\--

“My story is not nearly as epic. It includes no vengeful French vampires.”, Aro started after an hour of dead silence. “I was not happy to go, as some presume. Because I was leaving family behind. Yes, shocking I know, but I had two sons, one daughter and a wife. I loved them very much… I can’t even remember their faces now... “

_His father had sold him when he was around twelve, so he could afford giving two of Aro’s sisters to marriage. And Aro went willingly, because that was how he was going to help his family. He was proud even. It was when he grew older that he loathed his social status. He had to ask his master’s permission to get married, and at first he was not allowed to. But he absolutely loved this one girl. He had talked to her many times, whenever he saw her outside her house, and once, her brothers caught him and beat him up. Still, he told her he would marry her and she had actually fallen in love with that idiot. He asked his master again and again, and at last he was granted permission._

“If I say I was unhappy, it will be a lie. But I never knew what freedom meant before I was turned. And then I hated my father for selling me. It didn’t last long. I hated my master more. Him, I killed. He was first person I drank from, actually.”

\--

“You know the ring I have? The one with the carved lion?”, Carlisle asked and Aro nodded. “It was my uncle’s, not my father’s.”

_Carlisle’s uncle had been living in a british colony in central Africa. He had moved there when Carlisle was around five or six, which left the child with no other family than his father. Carlisle had been very enthusiastic about his uncle, as a child. He was always so excited to receive his letters and see the sketches his uncle drew for him, in an attempt to portray all the animals, Carlisle had never seen before. The boy was so excited about them, he wanted to go live with him in Africa. And then 7 years later, his father received a letter from his brother, saying he would be coming back for sometime, and leave again, this time for the Americas._

_He stayed for about a month at Carlisle’s house and told the boy of his adventures. He had shown Carlisle the ring he wore, a silver lion on a blue stone. He said he had had that made specifically for Carlisle, but was now wearing it, because he was sure his father wouldn’t approve. He promised, before leaving he would place it somewhere for Carlisle to find. And Carlisle had grown a smile so big it reached his ears._

_Carlisle with his father, accompanied his uncle to board the ship that would take him to the New World. The boy was very sad, because a travel across the Atlantic was permanent. The goodbye they shared would be the very last one._

_Carlisle, entered their house with a heavy heart only to find, laying on his bed a silver ring. He had forgotten all about it during that one month, but his uncle had not. He held it in his fist and smiled, before rushing to hide it, lest his father found out._

“My plan was to take it with me when I wouldn’t have to stay home anymore, but, that did not work out very well… After my father’s burial, I returned home, half intending to smash the place to the ground. But as I stepped into my old room I felt nostalgic. I opened all the drawers, and the chest where I kept my things. Inside was a small wooden box that I had completely forgotten about. I opened it, and I found the ring inside. I took it out, cleaned it and watched the sun reflect on it for hours. I made up my mind at last, and took it with me when I left forever.”

\--

They were a tangle on the couch one on top of the other, slowly making out, without the intent of progressing it.

“I won’t say I cannot live without you, because I have done so. And don’t ever tell me you cannot live without me, because it will be a lie.”, Aro said and leaned in for another kiss. Carlisle hummed in the kiss and nodded when he was released. “What I will say, is that you make me a better version of myself”, Aro finished and sealed it with a deep french kiss and by tangling his hand in Carlisle’s. The blond maneuvered them so they were mostly sitting and held Aro’s hand tight. “No one makes me feel as free as you do”, he whispered with his eyes closed. “Let’s make it work”, he pleaded and Aro kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phewww that took a while.... Hopefully it was worth the wait!!
> 
> Next one will be a short epilogue


	13. Epilogue

It was awkward at first. Neither of them exactly knew how to be together. They fought a lot. They seperated a lot,staying away from each other for a few months before deciding to try again. And soon, five whole years had passed and they had grown a quite stable relationship. They decided it may be time to officially try and introduce Aro to Carlisle’s family.

Aro had made it very clear, that he would not ever make Carlisle choose between him or his family. He knew he wouldn’t be accepted among them, he didn’t blame them. He didn’t want to be a part of them. Not really. But they had to make it work somehow. Carlisle was the Cullens’ leader, whether they liked it or not, and Aro was just a.. Threat. Well, maybe not so much anymore. But he knew the Cullens did not like him and they did not trust him. And that had to change to some degree.

\--

Carlisle had flown them all to the States, Forks actually, because the Wolves were part of his family in his opinion, and he owed them that at least. Aro wouldn’t admit it but he was going mad from nerves. This would not end well, he kept thinking during the flight, during the car drive and as they tried to make the Cullens’ old home somewhat presentable to host people.

Aro stood in the middle of the living room after finishing up, having nothing else to do. He started pacing. He stopped again. Carlisle watched him for a minute. It was cute really, how nervous Aro was to officially meet his family. He approached him slowly and took hold of his hand.  
“Hey. It will be fine.” Aro tried to pull away and was ready to protest but Carlisle cut him off. “No, listen to me. It will be fine.” he said again. Aro looked at his eyes trying to find any doubt in there but found none. He sighed and nodded, letting as much of his energy as he could flow out of his body. Okay, maybe it will be fine.

Alice with Jasper arrived first and the door was barely opened when an over excited Alice flew to the blond and attached herself on him in an iron hug. Aro couldn’t really pay attention to that interaction because right behind Alice was Jasper who was now standing in the doorway, giving Aro a very suspicious and defensive look, taking in all the differences from what he remembered. The short hair, the casual clothes, the stubble.

Aro cleared his throat and extended his hand. Jasper followed the movement his with his eyes and noticed just a few scratches, almost invisible if you weren’t trying to see them. For some reason the vampire could not heal properly, he realised. He met Aro’s hand with his own, and entered the house while keeping eye contact. Carlisle had strongly advised Aro not to see anyone’s mind, but it’s not like he could check it. 

Aro was tempted to, but the way Jasper was looking at him, felt like he was trying to test whether or not Aro would simply trust him, without his talent. Aro was the first to let go of the handshake and take a step back in invitation for the other vampire. Building trust, was the only way to make this work.

And then Jasper broke eye contact and turned to the blond, with no more acknowledgement of the dark haired vampire.  
“You look well”, he simply said and a smile spread to Carlisle’s face. “I feel well.” he admitted and his eyes flew to Aro in an instinctive reaction, betraying the reason of his smile. Alice had approached Aro with controlled enthusiasm but all hesitation melted away when she saw Aro was killing the eyeliner game. Aro decided she was much easier to talk to than Jasper.

Carlisle had let the wolves know they were here and they were invited, and soon one by one the Cullens and the pack assembled to the house. It was a little awkward, yes, but they were all willing not to let that affect them. 

Nobody was ready to commit to stay together again, it was way too soon, but nobody was against the new pair, either. It was quite evident that Aro made Carlisle feel a lot lighter, a lot more open. He did not have to hide anymore.

Awkward but safe. That is how the evening went, and it exceeded Aro’s expectations to the nth degree. The house was alive with the noise of so many people inside and Aro stole the blond only for a minute, before his presence was demanded again to be updated on his family’s newest adventures. Aro kissed him softly, quietly, he didn’t want anyone to hear as he whispered “Fine, it will work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially over people!! Thank you so much to everyone who commented and liked this story. It means so much to me that people actually enjoyed my bullshite idea..
> 
> maybe if you'd like you can find on tumblr @greekmuser although I do not solely post twilight related stuff.
> 
> Anyway that is all!! Thank you again for taking the time to read this story!!


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